All I want is you

All I want is you

All I want is you

From the moment you entered my life. I knew I found my forever partner. I found someone who I trust, who I’m comfortable with, who I can share anything without being judged, who would be there every minute of the day. Someone who is clingy and jealous, who would go above and beyond for me, someone who will love me forever.

Life went great, we tied the knot and were comfortable. We never had the outrageous diners or date nights or weekends away, but we had each other. And that was my most biggest asset. You choosing me, loving me, and getting to go to bed every night with me was a prayer I couldn’t be more thankful for. 

Things started to change, I noticed in your behavior, in the way you spoke, in the things you would do, and how often we made love. I tried ignoring it, bcz I loved you more than anything in this world. And I know you don’t believe that. Well the years of drama, fighting, ugliness and breaking down got worst, I was depressed, you couldn’t care, you leeched onto others and made despising remarks of how you never wanted me and you felt sorry for me etc. It broke me, I turned to writing my thoughts knowing you’d read it and maybe make a change. You didn’t you became worst. I think you did it on purpose. But I endured hoping you had fight for this. 
You cried when I caught you out so many times yet you kept on doing it. I still stayed coz I knew we were young and maybe it’s just a phase. But things got worse. And I told you to leave. 
Instead of trying to fix what you broke you recruited people to mock, humiliate and downgrade me as much as you could. It was heartbreaking to think you’d stoop so low. 
We slept together time and again but it wasn’t anything special. Things went crunky and we both moved on. Even though we told ourselves we are in love we longed for each other. 
I came to the conclusion that, maybe things weren’t meant for us even though I only wanted you.  We could’ve created the best relationship if only you were vested in being happy with one person. We have a good relationship with each other, and that was all I longed for, to be your best friend, to give you love advice, for going on dates with others and telling me how it went, for me to tell you what to do to make her feel special, bcz I wanted u to praise me, to boost about me, and to go about your life trying to find the one for you while we become the best of friends for our offspring. But you can’t see it like that. You constantly feel the need to make me the wolf, to keep telling yourself bad things about me to make u feel better. We were not meant for each other, bcz you don’t shudder another soul the way you do with me. Just imagine the loving environment our kids could be in knowing there isn’t any hate, drama, unnecessary comments being thrown. This can only happen when you grow into an adult who is open to discussing things, who is open about I admit I did wrong, I admit that I played a part in the history of error. I Apologize and would like to know what the next steps are. Owning up and being able to admit your faults is a huge step to change. I guess you can only be acceptable to it if you have grown out of the space of being entitled. Nobody has ever been judged for admitting there wrongs, nobody has ever been judged for saying I did it coz I wanted to. 

However there is some point in you that wants more out there but also don’t want me to have the same. So you gaslight me, harass me, and at the same time, praise me love me and make the small efforts to keep me holding. Unfortunately, now, I no longer want that, because it’s unfair upon other women. 
I want understanding, open communication, easy conversation, and boosting that she is great parent, we just didn’t work out. And even if it means I have to meet 20 women, I will. You deserve happiness, you may not have much to offer, and money being spent isn’t required, but what you have to offer is your love, undivided attention and the effort of trying to help everyone. You deserve it,  and bcz it couldn’t be me, does not mean someone out there wouldn’t, I would however like to have part of the decision, bcz I know you very well. With that being said. I wish you well. My first and last and forever love.


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