Dear C,

I know you lied to me about E.
Your lies and dishonesty hurt more now than if you had told me the truth when I asked over a month ago about her. I should have told you I saw a good night text on your phone, the night after we got home from the dance performance, but I was in shock and couldn’t believe it could be true.

I was up all night that night, burning with disbelief, hating myself for snooping, then hating my intuition for being right but not being able to directly confront you about it, then. I had been sensing something was off, and I was right.

From that point I watched everything slip away, as I knew you were already gone. I now see all of the Saturday night lies. While you told me you were out with your best friend, you were really with her. And that morning I surprised you by showing up before you got home and you smelled like that oil….and you concocted a story almost so believable when I probed.
I should have listened to my senses. My heart was beating uncontrollably. The body never lies.

I keep going back to try to pinpoint the exact location of where things went wrong to cause this, what could have happened. But you never let me know you were unhappy, or that something was wrong. I can only remember how for six months you wooed me with your energy, silliness, creativity, words of love and actions of care, consistency and cooking. How proud you were I was your woman. How we spent all of our free time together laughing, making love, exploring, supporting each other and simply just enjoying having found one another.

I couldn’t bear to think you could suddenly be lying to me, cheating on me, and then lying when confronted. I could not eat nor sleep for a month, even next to you in bed I was in agonizing anxiety. But I was too afraid to lose you. I thought if I stuck the course, you would come back. I even blamed myself a thousand times.

Now I know about your web of lies, that you set up the trip to the Catskills with E well before you broke up with me, and a clever alibi about helping out M & D at their house upstate to cover your ass in case by then we were still together.

You even had the balls to make a point to tell me you were not ending because of someone else as you sat at my kitchen table for the last time, but not the spine to tell me the truth.

I loved and cared about you deeply and believed you felt the same. Now I question everything you ever told me.

I hope it’s everything you thought it would be. I guess in time she will find out what an uncommunicative and cowardly liar you are.

S