You coward. You pathetic piece of a human. I loved you. I cared for you. I was there for you. You made me feel unappreciated. You made me feel unworthy. You made me feel needy. We dated for 10 months. For those 10 months, you were my everything. You were the person I was going to share my life with. I would say, I do not know where it all went wrong, but that would be a lie. I would say I did not know it was going to come to an end, but again a lie. I could spell out everything you did to do my wrong, but I know you know. I know it used to tear you apart that you were so bad to me when all I did was be there for you. I do not know anymore, though. Six months after the breakup, I still feel the pain that you put me through. I have grown to be a much stronger person because of you. I will not run through everything you did to me because frankly, it is a waste of space and a waste of my time. I will run through the highlights, all of which occurred after the breakup.
1. I gave you my virginity and you called me a whore.
2. I told you my dad had cancer and you called me selfish and controlling because I like to listen to country music in the car.
3. You posted on Facebook all the pictures of us from the last year, cropped me out of them, and said “all the pictures from the last year minus one cheating liar”.
Let me go through each one.
1. I gave you my virginity while we were together. I loved you. I wanted to give that to you. After the breakup I began to move on and when you heard that you got mad, to say the least. You called me a whore and told me to go “fuck yourself whore”. Well, I would like you to know that I did and I did it better than you could ever do. Then when I went to Israel I got a guy and he did it better and the both of us could do. So, do not worry. I am satisfied. I did go fuck myself and I got another one to fuck me too.
2. After the breakup, I call you. Yes, it was a terrible idea. I know. I admitted it on the phone, but what can I say. I wanted to speak to someone who has gone through their parent getting diagnosed with cancer. We were on the phone and something turned bad. The conversation became another fight and before we knew it we were full blown yelling at each other. You told me hurtful things that contradicted our relationship future goals like “I never actually wanted to have kids” and then just plain ass confusing and hurtful comments that I was selfish and controlling. Your only example was that I liked to play country music in the car. Well if that is the best thing you can come up then I think I am doing just fine.
3. This one to this day I just do not understand. You say it was a joke. WHERE IS THE HUMOR? I got to give you credit, though. You are an incredible dumbass.
I went to Israel. I moved on with my life. I moved on from you. I found someone else and then I found someone else after that. I experienced what it was like to be happy and realized I never was with you. Somehow, someway I cannot escape you. The way you made me feel has changed me at my core and I am done. I am done with you defining me. I am done with feeling embarrassed that I feel in love with you. I am done feeling like I did everything wrong. I am done with you controlling my emotions. I am done letting your dark and twisted path collide with my present. I am done. I am done feeling like being vulnerable is bad.
I am going to start being open. I am going to communicate. I am going, to be honest. I am going to live my life with no regrets because I deserve happiness. I am going to be free from you. I am moved on.
Thank you for being the worst thing that walked into my life an exchange. Thank you for calling me a whore. Thank you for making me feel like crap. I will never again let that happen, but I will not close myself off to love.
With only love for myself and my amazing bright future,
P.S. Goodbye you fucked up little boy.