Hey Elliot,

Heres another letter that you’ll never read, as I try my best to get closure on what used to be.

Now you really are somebody that I used to know. I never ever thought you’d hate me. I deserve it. now that you are better off theres really no use trying to change it.

I have so many regrets when it comes to our relationship. I did take you for granted. once you thought the world of me and then I managed to make you think so little of me that you deleted me from your life. I had all of you but then when you had all of me you walked away. I pushed you away and you left.

We disrespected each other so much towards the end that its easy to see how there is no going back from this. I wish you could have seen why I acted the way I did sometimes. I wish you had given me another chance before we burnt the bridges. Most of all I wish you still cared enough to call me your friend.

I wish you wanted to forgive me and let me back into your life. I will always care for you. I made bad choices when I was hurting and although those choices helped me to accept and let go, I lost you for good.

Im working on forgiving myself for how I pushed you away. It haunts me every day how I lost you. But i know you are happy now. I know you are with someone who wants you as much as I should have. if anything good has come of this , it is that now you are happy.

It doesn’t matter to you about forgiving me, it doesn’t matter to you if I’m happy or what i’m doing. now I am nothing to you. just an ex girlfriend. So theres no use in trying to gain your forgiveness. You have moved on with your life. You don’t need me or my love and anything I try to do to change that will push you away more, which is too little too late of a realisation. Im not sure you could be pushed any further away if i tried.

I suppose its reassuring to figure that if you feel nothing towards me now then you could never have loved me in the first place. Thinking like thats gives me hope that perhaps I made the right choice when I ended it because we still would never have been truly happy.

I will never forget watching you break apart as I told you we were over, the months you spent trying to change my mind and the hurt I watched you go through. Only for you to get through it and then be pulled back by me once I changed my mind. i didn’t mean to do it, but i played with your heart. I thought it would always be mine. I was wrong. I can never ever do anything to change that.

I will never have you in my life again.

I am sorry.