I hope you are doing well. I need to tell you something.
I’m so sorry about the way I treated you in the past. I wasn’t aware about the severity of my issues when we got involved in 2015. I was repressing a lot of hurt from my past experiences, which came out in unhealthy ways shortly after we started FWB. I have never reacted in such an intense way with the previous men I got involved with. I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong. I was fearful, selfish, and controlling. I was immature in not knowing my limitations.
I confused your kindness towards me as romantic love. I was so desperate to feel connected and loved that I ended up creating a fantasy in my head about us. Through intensive therapy and joining a 12-step recovery program, I was able to finally understand that what I felt for you wasn’t romantic love, but a very strong and unhealthy attachment as a result of unmet childhood needs. My unhealthy attachment to you lasted a long time because the other areas in my life were empty. It took me a long time to gain clarity and make the necessary changes in my life in order to finally let go and move forward.
I acknowledge that I violated your trust. I know why you blocked me on Facebook. What I did was wrong, but it wasn’t out of malicious intent towards you. I was not emotionally well for about 1.5 years from the last time we saw each other. I hated myself and would emotionally torture myself everyday by wondering if you had moved on already. This continuous negative thought process resulted in me checking in on you to get some idea if you had or not. It was a very dark and lonely time in my life and I am not proud of what I did to you. I didn’t know how to feel good about myself and I was unfairly trying to get that validation from you even though that was never meant to be your responsibility. I’m so sorry for my actions and I hope you can forgive me.
I finally found a new and effective therapist to really help me work on my childhood trauma and come to terms with my past. I also joined a 12-step recovery program as part of my healing journey. It was only after I took those actions and made healthy changes in my life that I was able to let go and move forward. If there is anything I can do to atone for my past behavior, then please let me know what it is and I will do it.
I would like to directly make amends, but I’m assuming you no longer want to talk to me. I believe our friendship was genuine and I wish it still existed. Just please know that you made a deep impact on me, which has changed how I live my life. I now have a strong sense of self and I no longer seek validation from others because I learned how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. I’m a stronger and healthier person because of you. I thank you for showing me kindness when I didn’t know how to be kind to myself.
I care about you and will respect your wishes to be left alone. Please find me in the future if you have a change of heart. I will always hold on to the hope that you will someday want to reconcile with me.
I wish you a happy, healthy and peaceful life.