Dear Brycen,
First, I’d like to apologize for everything I put you through in our relationship. I know now that I really do have anxiety and I know that I overacted in ways that I shouldn’t have. I learned a lot during our relationship and have continued to learn much more since the last time we spoke.
Here’s the thing, when we broke up, I was expecting it to happen soon. Actually, I was hoping you’d finally do it. I knew as much as I’d wanted it to end for a long time I never had it in me to end it, so thank you. I can’t lie, It still hurt more than I care to talk about the first night. But, after 3 days I felt self love for the first time in a long time. With you gone, I appreciated my body, I didn’t hate the way I looked so much, I didn’t feel the need to change my appearance, I saw something good in me finally. After that day, I felt so much better, all the time.
Until I saw you had a new girl 2 weeks later. That hurt. I thought I was over you, but I couldn’t understand how it happened that quick or what she had that I didn’t, Sure, she’s gorgeous beyond words, but seeing it made want to puke. Is she a rebound? Do you like her? Does she really like you the way I loved you? Could anyone love you the way I did?
What I really wanted to say is, although I apologized, I’m not very sorry for my actions. You treated me like garbage, literally. And after the breakup I finally came to terms with what I realized all along. You didn’t really love me. You wanted to love someone. I even believe you genuinely thought you loved me. But no matter how many excuses you can come up with, you’d want to be around the person you loved. You’d want to talk to the person you loved. You’d want to do nice things for them. You’d want your friends to meet them. You’d want them to feel happy. You wouldn’t want to talk to other girls if you had one who made you feel fulfilled. People always told me ‘if he cares, he’ll make time for you.’ And you never did. And I used every excuse in my head to justify it because I really did love YOU. I thought you were the most amazing person on the planet. But no matter how many compliments I told or presents I gave I was never good enough for you. I’d like to think you just wanted to be in a relationship and you thought I was what you wanted. Maybe you liked all the attention and knowing I’d never leave. Wasn’t it nice having someone who’d do anything for you?
But that’s the thing about love. If you loved me you would’ve done anything for me too.