I wish you knew how I felt, or at least cared

I wish you knew how I felt, or at least cared

I wish you knew how I felt, or at least cared

LTME-postTo the guy who played me really well- S,

Well. Here I am. Ready to vent my feelings all on this public platform for millions to read. But I have to get this off of my chest. So, it started on Valentines Day.. ironic right? Nope. Just an excuse to manipulate me into hooking-up with you. And whats funny is that you had, almost two weeks prior, told my friend that you liked her. And I helped you with it, I let you vent to me, I talked you through it, I gave you advice. Even though I had a crush on you since we first started working together, at least when I got to know you better. But then, a few weeks after that, you told her that you didn’t want to wait around, that you had to stop liking her. For two reasons- 1. She had a boyfriend since sophomore year and they were still dating at this point during her senior year (very close to the breakup however) and 2. A guy that was in our friend group of four started to develop feelings for her too. Why not me oh my that was the worst part, I was the mediator between all of you because no one liked me like that and I had to help the guy I liked get the girl that he wanted. But back to the point. So yes, you told her that you liked her, then dropped her a couple weeks later. But we remained friends and still stuck to the plan of us all hanging out on Valentines Day. Which was like 4 days after you did that. You had actually cancelled a couple days before saying you were taking another co-worker out (so you two could hu). But when plans fell through you came back to us. Typical you move. So here we were, all together. As the night comes to a close you drive everybody home because none of us had our license but you. I noticed something was up when you dropped off him first, then you started to drive to her house. My stomach started turning because we had both said to each other we were willing to hu if we had no one on V-Day. And I was right. You drove me home finally, and we got lost in my neighborhood. And I remember you looking over at me and giving me those f*** eyes that I fell for every time. You asked me if I wanted to hu and of course I would say yes. I liked you!!!! But I am sure you knew that, which is probably why you thought it would be so easy. Guess you were right. Thats another you thing to do. And I thought you were a good guy, hah, sike. You asked me about a week later if I would ever want to do it again, I said yes obviously. And it happened on your 18th birthday actually, two days after mine. And it happened again…and again. Before you decided to establish it as a FWB relationship. Gee, what every girl wants- all the hook ups none of the commitment!! Sounds great. Yeah, right, not if one has feelings. My problem with this is that you knew the WHOLE TIME. That I liked you. I know you did. That is why I am so mad at you, why this is so hard to get over. So I say yes, sure, why not? What could go wrong? Stupid. And it went on for about a month. It was fun, it was cute. We were flirtatious at work, we had inside jokes. But every time, I liked you just a little more. Then it hits the ceiling. You tell me that we should take a break for a while. You say that too many people are suspecting it, oh yeah, thats right, you wanted to keep it a secret- I should have known then. And I was mad at you. You knew it too. You said “you’re mad”. I said nah I’m good and you said that you ‘knew me’ and knew I was mad. But I didn’t want you to know that so I said I’m fine really. Then after I had stopped talking to you for a day- not long but when you text/snap for 3 months every single day all the time, it’s weird. You texted me and said “R u still made at me”. And I said ‘no I’m not mad’. Then you had the nerve to say ‘ok good cause I’m bored’. The reason this pissed me off so much was because that was something we did. Whenever one of us said that, the other would be like wanna play a game. Because those imessage games were our thing. So for you to say that, it was just so inconsiderate. And I didn’t answer you and you said ‘alright whatever’. Wow. You really could have cared less about how I felt. But wai tit gets better. You drove me home one day when we had all hung out again. And you said to me that you thought we should stop being FWB. You said it was fun while it lasted, but too many people were finding out. And you couldn’t have hurt me more. Because you knew I liked you, but you didn’t like me. It made me think there was something wrong with me. I liked you so much. But you can’t lose what you never had, I think is how the saying goes. But you did use me. And since I am so easily maniplulated especially if I have feelings for you, it happened again. A few weeks later because you were ‘really in the mood’. I was so stupid to have said yes. But you said ‘one last time for old times sake’ and I gave in. I have shed too many tears over you though. And I’m not gonna waste my time on someone who couldn’t give a damn about me.

– The best thing you never had

1 Comment

  1. Ps 6 years ago

    You bave every right to hate me. I told you what I had done but was a coward left the other out details. I forgot till today. How I surpressed it. I never felt lile I deserved you and I tried to call of being wih you. You comforted me and forgave me. And I told you why? Why would you do that. I never forgave myself. I pushed it all down. And let it eat away at me. I put my walls up. You were never the problem you did so much. I was the one who had something to prove. And I wasn’t honest. And I hated myself. I never deserved all the love you gave or forgiveness. I became bitter. Im sorry I was a jerk. I caused problems. I started feeling depressed. I have no right to say I love you. And I never deserved your love and Im sorry I wasted your time. Im a piece of shit. So i apologize. For not being fully honest. And all the pain I caused. I’m hopelessly lost. Thays all i’ll say im sorry

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.