Hi. Its me.
You did not ask me how I am. How my life is. Nothing. I know you are afraid. You think my heart is too fragile. That I will freak out. Blame. Make you feel more guilt.
My body is numb. When I laugh, it is not sincere. When I eat, I do not feel the taste. I want to cry. But there are no tears.
I gave absolutely everything. You took away all of me.
I gave you another chance. You promised this time you would take care of me. I trusted every word you said. Gave you more then before. Shared everything. You shared everything. We planned a future. After three years of long distance. It was our time.
I did one mistake. You made hundreds. I forgave. Listened. Convinced myself that who we are while being present can not justify behaviours when we are separate. I forgave you for being freaky. Jealous. Suspicious. When I. For the first time acted the same. You dumped me.
You know I wanted this. You gave me signs of you wanting it as well. You seemed more exited then me. Treated me like a princess. I asked “are you ready?”. “Yes, very much”, you said. When you dumped me. You said it was better now then later. It was already too late.
Before the night you dumped. I knew. I knew that when you asked for distance and time to think, it would happen again. While being ignored for two weeks, I mentally prepared. If you truly love someone, you take your time. Ignorance and silence says more then any words. I tried reaching out. It was one-way communication. I begged. Said I was suffering. That talking would help. You apologised for being the worst for me.
I cried. Booked a ticket. Needed to confront you. Needed to be told directly. It felt unrealistic. Booking a hotel room. Waiting for you. See your pale, puzzled face. I knew that if I told you I would come. You would escape. Like all the other time you doubted in me.
I hope one day. One day. Your ego will open up. Make you more rational. And I hope. That you treat your next girl with more respect then you ever gave me.