Time is supposed to heal everything, but I didn’t know that it would be like standing on thin ice.  After everything I’ve finally have been able to find happiness and focus on myself.  Some days are so good, I can say with confidence you’re not on my mind.  Then there are days like today.  It feels like I’m picking at my scab and self sabotaging; thinking of you.  

There are other days too, where I have constant fear of you coming back.  Because I don’t know what it would do to me.  You hurt me so much for so long.  I don’t trust myself to stand up to you.  

You have a kid now, a family.  It comforts me knowing that you don’t have a chance to reach out to me.  It scares me knowing that it didn’t stop you before.  She knows now though, you’re constant emails and phone calls.  She knows it wasn’t just me.  Hopefully that will make you think twice.  Make you move on and not look for me.  Because I don’t want to be found.

 I want to be happy with the person I love, that loves me back. Don’t look for me G, please don’t find me.  Please don’t hurt me anymore, I won’t survive you.  All I want now is to finally live.