Dearest Sam,
I don’t know how to start this off properly. There are so many things I want to tell you but I never had the guts or chance to.
I hope you are doing well. In fact, I hope you are happy with whatever choices you are making in life. You will always have my support and love, and I hope that eventually I will reach to the point of being able to love you unconditionally. We were together not for a long time, but it was enough to learn. I still love you, my dear, I still do. It hurts me from the core whenever I think back on the day when we both decided to go on separate ways. I know we both didn’t want to, especially me, but it was for the best. We had so many issues, we were polar different and we had obligations to different people and things. I once had a dream that we would be able to make it to the end – me bearing your surname as mine and us having a beautiful mini-you. But no, instead I’m sucked into this living nightmare – us having to part ways. I’m sorry we both had to go through this. I’m sorry I was tactless and unsensitive that I hurt you. I’m sorry I was very emotional and had ups and downs. I’m sorry that I acted on an impulse and spammed you with my Hogwarts photos two days after the break-up and got you mad (I don’t know what I was thinking – I was being stupid and shallow). I’m sorry for everything I have put you through and I hope I can have your forgiveness, as I forgive you for the pain and agony you put me through.
I have always loved you, always. As we move on in life, I will always have you in a corner of my heart, and I hope you will save a little corner in yours for me too. We may need a break from each other now, but eventually, later in life, I do hope we will be in each other’s life again, whether as reconciled lovers or very special friends. After all, if we are meant to be, there will be a way for us to reconcile. If not, then I know that I somehow will be contented with what we had, and will be at peace with the past we shared. But pardon me when I can never look at you as a normal friend – I can’t look at the person I lost my virginity to as a normal friend. It’s okay, though. I never regret everything I’ve given you and the limited time we had.
Being in your company is a pleasure seldom enjoyed, and I want to thank you for teaching me that I still have a lot to learn, and that I am capable of loving so deeply and intensely.
I won’t erase you from my phone or my memory to remind myself that we once had something so beautiful that I can treasure forever.
In the mean time, I’m still heartbroken and crying myself to sleep. But I know you have faith that I will be strong and survive. And I will. In return, my love, whenever life strikes you down, please know that I have never lost faith in you. You will do amazing things, I know it.
Soon I will be in glamourous New York to build my future, but my heart will always stay with you, the love of my life, in the heated breeze of California. I will move on, and be happy, but I will love you always and forever.
Call me a dreamer or wishful thinker when I hope that there still is a chance for us to reconnect. But hope stays in the Pandora box for a reason.
And my reason is you.
Much love,
Antoinette.