Some things I need to say to you before I really start to heal

Some things I need to say to you before I really start to heal

Some things I need to say to you before I really start to heal


It has been 5 months since I saw you last, 5 months in my new place. I feel like there are some things I never got the opportunity to say to you, some things I really need to get off my chest so I can fully close this chapter of my life for good and really start to heal. You may read this, you may not, it really doesn’t matter, I just need to get all this out. I’m not sure I know how to put all of this into words but I know if I don’t try I’ll continue regretting it.
This past several months have been a whirlwind of lies, manipulation, shocking revaluations and heart ache. If you would have asked me on this day last year if I thought you would cheat on me with Kristi Witten, I would have bet my life that you would never, ever do such a thing. Even though what you did to me with Kristi was identical to what you did with Lanie, I was convinced you would never stop loving me. I honestly did not think your heart was capable of even being attracted to anyone else much less Kristi Witten. I was 100% confident in our relationship, I was a fool. Ha, I cant believe I was stupid enough to trust you to go to Dallas with that woman, was that the first time you fucked or the first weekend aaaaall to yourselves? That could be your anniversary date, I know its always hard for you to figure that out since you always cheat with your next relationship.
When I met you, you were living in an apartment with 4 or 5 other people where you drank/partied every night, you had no car, a repo, broken lease on an apartment, owed banks money so you had no bank account, thousands of dollars in toll tags, bad credit and eventually no place to live. I saw the good in you, I always supported you and your dreams and tried to give you the love, stability, safety to go after what you wanted to better yourself. No one else was doing that for you, your relationship with you family, with you Dad and Brother were almost non existent. Even when very early on when you were verbally and emotionally abusive due to being “diagnosed bipolar” I stood by you. Yes, I may have been distant and that caused intimacy issues but I never gave up on you, I stayed and I didnt cheat! There were times when I wanted to leave you so bad, there were times I wanted to get the fuck away from you but I was never going to lower myself to being a disgusting, lying cheater. Then to blame Rebecca and Emily for “drama” when the whole time it was Kristi’s superior that caught ya’ll in elevator (fixing each others nipple rings, good one lol) and reported ya ll to HR. The way ya’ll blame others and made it seem like I was crazy makes it even more fucked up.
How long were you and Kristi sneaking around? Was it when I was spreading my legs for every doctor in town getting prodded, clamped and tested on so that I could have a family with you? Was it when I had surgery? Oh, maybe it was going on when you bought me a ring in July. Did you tell Kristi a lie saying you never wanted a child with me? I’m sure you did. I know ALL the lies you’ve told her because those same lies you told to me when you cheated on Lanie. Funny thing is Kristi has no idea. Kristi has no idea you’re a liar, that you text me late at night, that you call me crying saying how hard it is, that you would be with her then come home and cry to me that you wanted to work on things. Kristi doesn’t know that you came and put my radio in my car and then came upstairs and then stuck your hands down my pants, does she? The love of her life, ha ha, its comical because you are a user. You’ll use her up the same and she’ll deserve it. Six years we were together, six years. Six years I could have had a family with someone else, someone way more deserving than you. How do you sleep at night knowing the person you are? I know, by taking no accountability and ignoring it. Shutting everything out in your life that reminds you of me, including friends that were good to you. My family took you in when your family was cold to you, my family loved you like a daughter yet you also threw them away like garbage. Its no wonder you dont have any true relationships in your life, users dont. It literally pains me to have had your family ripped from my life and I dont care if the feeling is reciprocated, I have a big heart and loved them anyway. You cant be human to be so cold. I think that was the most shocking part of all of this, no remorse, no empathy. You did what you did, how you did it and then continued to be cruel, heartless and inconsiderate afterwards. Dont even try to say because I said mean things. I deserved to say mean things, you owe me that whether you like it or not, you have earned that. Normal people would have taken it on the chin out of human decency.
After the holidays of you telling me you wanted to work on things and inviting me on dates, trips and outings with your family and I found out by her own children you are still seeing Kristi and not only that but you have been planning your single life for months and already had plans to move out (breaking another lease agreement mind you). Must be nice to know what the fuck is going on, to be able to plan before you have to move out, to get things in order without your partner lying to you and betraying you in every way possible, must be nice. By this time there is no going back, we re done. You know why I always talked about Kevin with admiration? Kevin was a great person and though we fell out of love we still cared about each other because that’s what true, loving people do. Kevin didnt try to erase me from his life because he was guilty or ashamed, he didnt try to dehumanize me, tear me down. We remained caring friends and thats what good, mature people do Kristen. You left me in that hell hole of an apartment to just reminisce in the memories and what you did for 2 MONTHS! Then, you left all your shit and cleaning for us to move. I had no car, no way to work and you never even had the consideration to fucking ask. We have unpaid dr bills and 8000 in debt, you paid, NOT GAVE ME, paid 3000. I had to quickly find a place affordable to live and find ways to work while I came up with $4000 to fix my car and 500$ to get it legal. I make 1800 a month after taxes, you do the fuckin math. Yes, yes, your famous comment of the year ” Well that’s not my problem”, no, no its not but I really could have used the time YOU got to figure it all out, maybe get a second job or at least some God damn honesty. I didnt get that though I got LIES, lies saying you were going to help me, that you were gonna pay some of the bills because you wouldnt do that blah blah blah. You would do that, you did. Oh but there’s more, in December YOU came to ME saying you were going to put me on your insurance for a year because you knew I needed another surgery, you have great insurance, it costs barely nothing yadda yadda. Another lie. I was on that insurance for 2 months before you cut that too. Dont you dare say it was because you thought I was going to fuck you over because you know thats a damn lie. Im a good, honest person and you know it, it was because your new GF would not be ok with it and she tells you to do a lot of fucked up shit because shes a gross person and everyone knows it. Out of everything thats the biggest way you fucked me over. I now pay 400 a month for shitty insurance and theres no way I can have that surgery so thank you. Thank you so much, youre a saint.
We were together 5 years and 4 of those years I made more than you, paid more of the bills, I was the bread winner and I never ONCE made you feel bad about that. I never once made you feel less of a person because you had virtually nothing, The minute you started making more, you threw that in my face constantly like I was spending YOUR money. Im baffled by it. Doesnt surprise me your enjoying a lady buying you a bunch of stuff and taking you on trips. Its sad and pathetic really. You know the funny thing about all of this, all that you’ve done to me you are still able to be so arrogant. you dare be condescending to me? Despite the ways you have betrayed me I have done a lot. I got to work, fixed the truck, I got my license, I moved, I am managing, all of this even though you showed me NO KINDNESS. You will not break me. The fact that you dare tell me you “dont want t be connected to my insufficient funds”? Are you for real? Fuck you. Im struggling because OF YOU! I work 3 jobs right now trying to make ends meet so dont you DARE try to make me out to be irresponsible or act like i dont have MY shit together. I have learned SO much through this I can definitely thank you for that, I will be a stronger person because of you. Youre linked whether you like it or not, all of this is because of YOU! You can pretend to point the finger, blame, project and ignore all you want but the truth is, youre a terrible person and partner and you are going to live a very sad life.
I want to move on, I want to get all this off my chest and I want you OUT of my life. I want your gf out of my life, I want her kids OUT of my life. The week Audrey started in my class Kristi started going public about ya lls relationship. Do you guys have no fuckin shame? Kristi is friends with tons of parents here, they all talk about what a scum bag she is and even tough I dodge the questions when asked they are asked all the fucking time and Im sick of it. Have some fucking dignity. You get a clean slate, I dont go walking up in your work and Im not dating someone you know. I deserve a clean slate. Shit, I deserve a whole hell of a lot more than that from you but at minimum I deserve to have you and your fucked up new family out of my face! It’s disgusting how bold and cruel you guys are, you have literally ruined my life and now effect my work environment as well.
What you did was wrong, how you did it, tasteless and disgusting an one day I might get an apology, a real one. One day I hope for YOUR sake youre able to realize what you did and the amount of pain you caused another human being. Through everything, our problems, whatever, I tried to be a good partner to you I really did. I tried to remain understanding and empathetic but I can not control your moral compass. I will find happiness and the lessons here will make me a better wife and one day I’ll be thankful but for today I needed to get all this off my chest so that I can finally let it go. You will always be the person who disappointed me the most, that will never change I just hope one day you will understand everything that you did.


Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.