Chances are you will never see this; but my last message was seen and never replied too. So this is it this is the end. I used to pray every day that she would break your heart. She would see your unsightly balding pattern, maybe find out about us. All the sneaking around, the night before your birthday and the final kiss goodbye before you went rouge. That night replays in my mind far too often. It all felt the same. The scent of your skin, the way your hand caressed my back all night. You know I couldn’t be touched by anyone else without spinning into a panic attack: because I Remembered the last time a man had touched me with less of a gentle kind hand before you. With you it was different. It was always perfect. So I’ve sat here waiting for two years. Quietly. You asked me not to wait for you. But here I’ve been. Waiting. Sharing meaningless kisses with strangers. Letting others touch my body not always with the soft caress you did. And I’ll lay there having a panic attack in silence. Becuase I knew deep down none of them could calm me Quite the way you could. I’ve stayed close with your friends, hoping you hear my name and share the same pain, when you hear my name that I do when I hear yours. But today I can’t quite remember exactly your laugh.. and how much I loved that it filled an entire room. I don’t remember exactly what color your eyes are. I’m sure it was green.. or brown… maybe some small specks of both. The things I have chose to remember almost seem made up. Like I’ve been playing the same stories in my head for too long. they almost feel like they could have just been dreams. How could I be still this shook and you feel nothing at all. So now it’s goodbye. I’ll stop waiting… I’m going to stop loving you. Your name will stop sitting just on the tip of my tounge. My girlfriends will stop hearing about the one that got away. And maybe today I’ll just let you be just that… away. I’ll allow someone else to finally caress me with a gentle touch.. and I won’t long for it to be yours. Truth is it’s time I start being angry with you. Dan I’m done wishing you the best. Now I just wish for every thing you deserve. Whatever that means.. goodbye