Hey Little Raincloud,

So I gave in to drunken stupidity and asked your mum how you were doing on the weekend; since I had no way left of contacting you personally. She said you were okay and that I should leave you be. Which is mostly what I’ve been trying to do. I guess I still think of you as ‘the one that got away’.

Honestly, my life is far from perfect without you and I’m not going to bluster about how you don’t know what you’re missing. I was selfish and insensitive to what you were going through. Without realising it, I was making everything about me. You made the right choice to put a stop to things when you did.

Actually I wanted to thank you. Cutting me off made me evaluate a whole lot of things in my life and seek help for my own mental health issues. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing somebody I was so in love with again because of my own flaws. That period of reflection when I realised my connection to you was irreparably broken has helped me a great deal.

Now people tell me I’m a changed man. I’m doing things I would never have done before, and making changes that I only ever thought about doing in the past. Looking back on those 7 months of my life revolving around you, I can see it all for what it was.

Now I see the mistakes, I see where I went wrong, and how I could’ve done it better. I was letting you become the center of my world instead of creating a world you wanted to be in. I let the infatuation with you become an obsession, and it did neither of us any good.

On the other hand, I also see all the great things you showed me. In the beginning things were great, and you gave me confidence I didn’t know I had. You made me feel like a worthwhile human being for the first time in a long time. I realise now that’s what you saw when you looked at me, not something that I gained from you. I didn’t need your approval or your confirmation, I only wish I had seen that earlier.

Now it’s time to say goodbye. I doubt you’ll ever read this but it felt good to write it down anyway. Thanks for helping me to grow. I really hope you are doing well. You deserve it so much more than you think,

– Chris