Dear J, I know it hasn’t been long since we last spoke. The reason I write this is because, of that. In the time we had broken up I had hoped it was over. I had hoped that you’d hate me after all the things I said when we broke up months ago. I had hoped that after all this time you wouldn’t feel anything for me. When you told me you didn’t love me anymore I didn’t know how to respond. When it was over it felt like finally being able to breathe after being under water for a long time. I couldn’t believe I felt relieved. I had hoped you’d move on and never look back. When we spoke after all this time I could still hear the hurt in your voice. It broke my heart hearing it. It broke my heart hearing you say how much you wanted me to be the one. I know how hard you tried and I know the pain I put you through. You deserve someone so much better that what I could ever be. I could never love you the way you deserved to be loved and at the time I couldn’t even love myself. When you told me that you wanted me to be the one I wanted to tell you how badly I still loved you but, I know deep down it was wrong. If I could ask one thing from you… Please move on… Please find what makes you happy because, it’s not me…
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How does one simply move on to share love with someone else, when the heart is filled with so many different emotions. I pray for the strength daily to do so, but after everything that has been said and done. I am truly scared to death to allow someone in my life that could hurt me like I have been. I am so hurt, ashamed, pissed and yet I still think of you daily and cry. You will never know just how much damage you have done to me that will never go away. I constantly ask myself why I allowed this to go on as long as I have, but the only answer is I loved so hard and so deeply, I just thought you would come back to me with the love in ur eyes and arms ten times stronger. I. Could have forgiven you for cheating, but never for all the destruction you purposefully set out to do. Time heals all wounds, and I will wake up one day and not miss you. But until then, My life is a living hell. I’m nothing without you, and I have never stopped loving or admiring you. But you have moved on, there is nothing I can do but be devastated.
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