Hi Mujer, I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I’m doing it. You know how I like to write down my thoughts. I want to share something with you. A couple of days after we sat outside in the rain and you told me how special I was to you, I wrote you a letter. I still wasn’t sure what you meant when you compared me to her and your sister- of course I know now. I just want you to see what that version of me wanted to say to you.

Querida,

I’ve written to you many times. This is the first time I think you may read these words.

First, I need to tell you the most important thing. I love you. You’re my best friend and you feel like family to me. I care for you like I care for my brother and sister, and more than I’ve ever cared about anyone I’ve ever had a relationship with, romantic or friendly. You are the type of family that I choose. I would choose you every day.

I don’t want to cause you any pain, but I know that caring for someone means leaving yourself open to the possibility of pain. I really don’t think love can exist without this risk. From my side, this friendship is worth any heartache. If it didn’t hurt so bad to leave you, then I wouldn’t have cared for you the way that I do. While it hurts me to know that you’re suffering on my account, I know that comes from how much you care for me. The way you feel for me is the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me. I can’t tell you what an honors it is to have someone like you choose to be close to me. I really hope that you believe me when I say that. You are the MOST beautiful human being I have ever met. I really think I understand you and when I look at you I am in awe of how truly gorgeous you are, inside and out.

I am so sorry that I didn’t find you earlier. I got to you as fast as I could. You can be mad at me for taking so long. I’m mad at me to, but I really did try my best. I should have met you twenty years ago when we were kids. We should have grown up together. I should have walked with you to school everyday. We should have been the coolest uncool kids. You should have been the first person I came out to. I should have been there when your parents split up. Do you remember when I asked you what you would do with three magic wishes? We’d both use one to take care of our parents, one for a satisfying challenging career, and I think we both had trouble thinking of a third wish. Or maybe we’re thoughtful people who want to save a wish for emergencies. Well I knew then what my third wish would have been. It was the same as it would be now. I’d use that wish to have found you earlier. Though even a lifetime of friendship with you may not have felt like long enough.

I want you to know that I listen when you speak and that I believe every word you ever say to me. I have no doubts about you. Please live a happy life. And forgive me for putting space between us. Te quiero mucho, mucho.

Yours,
A