Dear my first love,

I probably already said most of these things. But if I’m honest, I do not remember saying any of that. Well, first of all, I still love you more than anything in the world. I do not care if you do not love me or even love me. But I want you to know that yes. But I do not know what happened to me. I should not have gotten into that relationship. I know that I ruined it in some way and I do not even try to say that I did not do it because I already know that I did it. I guess this is like God answering my prayers because I asked him if he should be in this relationship, but I guess he did not want me in it. My mother would not be happy with me if she discovered anything of this. He never really liked it, but I did not care because everything that mattered to me at that moment was you, and how I could make you happy, but you said that the only thing that could make you happy was me. It probably will not be in another relationship for a while or at least one real one anyway. You hurt me a lot and I do not think I can forgive you for that. Well, today I spoke with Marlei and she told me some things that I should not know, but I do. I have no idea why you would ignore me. I mean you can not run away from your feelings. I’d love to know why you stopped liking me. I mean you said that you loved me and that you could not live without me and that you would die for me and, suddenly, you just stopped. I’m probably one of the hardest people to please. I only provoke drama and people are always looking for a good story and I always fall in love with it. I do not want to do it alone. You only have the best vibes, NEVER … what I mean by that is that I love being close to you. This letter was not trying to change your mind or anything, I was just trying to tell you how I feel. Because believe me, I tried to hide my feelings before and it was a disaster.let’s say I cried a lot. What I do not understand is why you could not tell me that you started to love her. I want to say that I know because everyone is a best friend and you always talk and I swear I have never spoken to you in person. I just want you to be happy, that’s all I ever wanted you to be so if it’s her that makes you happy, I do not want you to be with her. I can cry, but that question does not matter anymore. What matters is that you’re happy, so I said you could be with her, so go. I also know that you absolutely hate me. I did not want to hurt you, but believe me, you hurt me much more than you think. I loved you very much and honestly I do not know how to feel. I do not know who I can trust anymore, I do not know if I’ll ever trust someone as if I trusted you ever again. Probably you think I’m a complete idiot for not trusting anyone, but you have no idea what my past relationships have been like and In addition, you have left me in hell.They were rude and I really thought you were different, obviously I thought I was wrong. Every day I want to get close to you and tell you how much you hurt me and tell you how horrible you are and hit you in the face. I can not even with you, you act like you’re fine, but I know not, everyone tells me no. so do not try and tell me you’re fine when I know you do not. You can pretend all you want, but if I’m the reason you’re so sad, honestly, I do not know why you’re the one who broke up with me, so I do not know why you’re so sad. You have marlei and you should be happy. dev, what you do not understand is that I like Parker but I do not like it as much as I like it. I LOVE YOU I thought you loved me. Since then, I have no idea why I cry or get so angry before I was always happy and it was like nothing could get mad or angry and now it’s like things trigger my emotions very easily and I get super crazy super fast. and I miss our relationship so much. I would literally do anything to get it back. I mean, I ended up with a parker for you, or at least you were part of the reason and I did not want to hurt him because I still love you. I do not know why I still love you,but for some reason I do it. I have loved you so much, it is crazy how much I am in love with you. I miss our conventions about nothing and how every time you called me beautiful, gorgeous, gorgeous or incredible or crazy, I literally became the happiest girl in the world. I used to run around school being happy for absolutely nothing and now I feel sad and I’m so sad that I just have to be happy. I hate crying but lately it has been a pastime of mine 🙁 and I really do not want to cry, when I cry I feel that my feelings take hold of me and I have no control over them and I have tobut for some reason I do it. I have loved you so much, it is crazy how much I am in love with you. I miss our conventions about nothing and how do you call me beautiful, gorgeous, gorgeous or incredible or crazy, I literally became the happiest girl in the world. I used to run around school being happy for absolutely nothing and now I feel sad and I’m so sad that I just have to be happy. I hate crying but lately it has been a pastime of mine 🙁 and I really do not want to cry, when I cry I feel that my feelings take hold of me and I have no control over them and I have to.