Paddy,
Sometimes I hope that every girl you get with reminds you of me. That I had left such a imprint on you that it’s why you cant hold a long term relationship. Its been 10 months roughly and I haven’t had a boyfriend since you. I drove a lot of people away because I talked about you too much, so all I had was myself. I couldn’t have a conversation without bringing you up, everything reminded me of you, and it still does. My best friend got a boyfriend just after I ended things and when she talked about him and all the things they would say just reminded me of you, all the memories would come flooding back of me going for “runs” just to leave the house and call you, how we would have 3 hour long phone calls fighting about whether we should call our husky Baltimore or Alaska, but then we agreed on Arlo because you heard it at TAFE. I remember the ankle you kept spraining at footy and how you couldn’t run fast enough to beat me because you always had a sore back, I remember the only day we publicly hung out and that night you asked me out. You changed my opinions on things, like Carlton, and healthy food and how we would fight for the good swing and not the kiddy swing. At the time that I broke up with you, it seemed like a good idea, and that it would benefit both of us, looking back now, it helped neither of us and just made us more insecure in relationships, I think about how far we could have developed but I also cannot help to think that maybe I saved myself from a worse breakup, our constant fights never ended in I love yous, but instead ended when one of us fell asleep, there was a lack of trust and reassurance, we were both new to the concept but what if I didn’t break up with you, what if we were still together and I had finally told my parents, what if I finally got to meet your mum and what if I married you and we lived until we were old like we said and what if you did propose with a ring pop, and we had a beautiful child, these things I cant help but think about at midnight, alone in my room, and when I cry I wish you were there next to me to cuddle me and tell me everything is okay. Sometimes i think if your relationships end because of me, because they don’t do the things I did, and if when you kiss other girls you wished it was me or even missed me the slightest bit that I miss you, and I never have the guts to tell you how I really feel, and I wont ever. But I hope this gets to you, eventually, even if it doesn’t I’ve enjoyed all these memories and all the ones I haven’t added in, I Love you

Ash x