Hello my love,
It’s been a while since we talked. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to look into your eyes and have you really see me.
There is so much stuff I want to tell you. But there is also something I need to say. I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for walking away. But it’s hard to stick around when the person you love is trapped inside a monster. It’s hard to watch this monster destroy the person you love and know there isn’t anything anyone can do.
I remember you young and innocent. Not knowing what it was like to have your life stolen right out from under you. You had so much hope in your eyes and we talked about our future and how much you loved me and how much I wanted us to be together forever. Then one day I saw something change in you. I watched you shift from a lover to an empty shell.
It felt like you loved me a little less and then I guess it felt like I was just an annoyance to you. We fought all the time. You were sneaking around, the money would come up missing, and you never told me you loved me anymore.
The thing about it all tho is I know it’s not you. Because the you I fell in love with isn’t this person. You aren’t in love with addiction you are in love with me. You wouldn’t choose addiction over me, over anyone. I know who you are. I’ve seen you trapped inside, scratching and clawing to find your way out. But I need you to know only you can get yourself out of there. Only you can find the way out.
I know who you truly are. Despite what everyone else says, or what everyone else thinks. You aren’t your addiction. Your addiction is making itself at home, and you are letting it. Don’t let it take your life. Don’t let it change you. Don’t let it ruin you. I have hope I will see you again one day baby. And when I do I’ll welcome you home with open arms. I’ll tell you how long I’ve been waiting. I’ll tell you how much I’ve loved and missed you. And when you finally get home I hope you know how proud I am.
But if the off chance you don’t make it home, if the off chance this addiction wins, just know I’ll love you until my last breath. I’ll carry your memory in my heart. I’ll hold you dear to me until I’m gone. I’m rooting for you. I have always been rooting for you.
With all my love,
Your Baby Girl.