Hey Alec.
I miss you so much. I miss what we had. It was a love that I hadn’t had before. I know we’re still friends, and I really don’t know where I would be if you left my life completely, but I miss being able to tell you about my day and I wish I could see your face. You brought a sort of youth to my life and ever since you left me in that way, something’s been missing. I wish you understood how hard it is to talk to someone everyday and then stop abruptly. No transition, just 100 to 0. That was so hard for me, Alec. Why did you say you loved me? Was I a burden? Did we fall out of love? Because I just fell in love with you more and more. Your vibe was so unique and refreshing, it’s no wonder everyone wanted to be friends with you. Everyone knows you and admires you, and you weren’t like your friends. You weren’t like anyone. You were Alec and I cannot thank you enough for being you. I miss your soft, slow voice and your big hands and your smile with the deep dimples and the way you jump when you are excited. I miss kissing you and hugging you and squeezing you so tight and holding your hand in that weird way. I miss belting out songs and taking photos with you and going on adventures. I miss you. Those things made our relationship ours. I can’t stop longing for that breath of fresh air that you were. I have my good days, and I know I’m getting over you slowly but surely, but my heart still goes out to you. I don’t know when it will stop and for all I know, you will always possess a part of my heart.
I wish I showed you more love. I pulled your leg hair and joked around with you when I should have given you affection. I’m sorry I didn’t show you a fraction of the love you showed me, and I hope you one day receive everything I couldn’t give you. I wish I knew what I did wrong. I know you said that I did nothing wrong; that it was the wrong place and wrong time. But I wish I could hit a rewind button and fix whatever went downhill. I hate that I still love you. It’s been nearly 5 months and I want to move on. But I can’t do it for the life of me. I miss your green eyes and I wish
I voiced my appreciation for you more. You had no idea how much I admired you. I wish you could comprehend how much I loved you. I wish I could begin to express the amount of passion I have for you and how much your being and your heart and your happiness and your flaws mean to me. I wish you knew how important your existence is to me. I know you’ve been struggling to find your place in this world, and I just hope you know you will always have a place in my heart, Alec. Thank you for teaching me what love is.