I got late. I’m sorry. I know your wedding with K got planned in the month of March and I met you in April. It makes me wonder what could have been on God’s tricky mind to lay this nice and juicy trap?
I can never say that you cheated on me or did wrong to me, because I always knew loving you would have its consequences but still decided to go through with it. So, I don’t blame you, and I never will.
I remember the day I first met you in office and how we started working together. I remember how effortlessly we bonded as friends. I remember how quickly we progressed to best friends, however, I don’t remember the day I fell in love with you. It happened so organically, that I was caught before I knew it…And then I remember the day of your wedding.
My friends had a million plans to jeopardise your big day and sing Channa mereya on stage. I, however, settled for pasting a smile on my face as I saw you leave with her in the presence of all holy spirits and rituals, and then crying my heart out alone all night long. I still haven’t been able to digest it fully.
We maintain our distance physically, but I can’t guarantee that I will be able to maintain my distance from you emotionally.
I miss you. Everyday.
But I’m fine. I’ll handle it. You did what you had to do, you got married. I’ll do what I have to do, I’ll write. I’ve done a lot of other things to make myself feel better too. I’ve started working more in office, I’ve started watching a lot of Netflix; Game of thrones was my saviour. I started singing because of you, listened to sleep hypnosis sessions to calm my overactive mind and go to sleep. I connect with my friends and family more because I know I need them, I can’t do this alone. I’ve made new friends and my dating game is strong. Although, I can’t help but think to myself after each date, “They’re not you!”.
Sid, I know there are issues between you and her, but I also know they’ll be sorted soon, because I have seen that willingness in you to make your marriage work. I wish I could be at the receiving end of it, but still, even though you goofed up, you kept your promise to her. This is also something I can never blame you for, because you never made any promises to me. You never mentioned our future together, it was my own brain playing tricks at me. You really are not selfish, because you sacrificed your love for a promise you made to a complete stranger and her family. You’re not selfish, although I have to add that that’s a little risky.
You know how I always tell you that I want to see you happy with her? Well, I lie. I think you being happily married is worse than you being married. But that’s again a wait-and-watch kind of thing. I have seen the man I love build his life with someone else and I’ve stuck around to watch as a “friend”. There’s really nothing that I can’t overcome in life anymore. Thanks for giving me this confidence now.
I’ll move on, I know that. I’ll be in love again, I know that too. But this time, I won’t let him go. This time, it’ll be the beginning of my forever and I can’t wait for it to begin.
Sid, we’re such good friends. Please, I need you to seriously remember your “I’ll never lose you” promise now. I can’t do this alone. Or maybe I can, but I don’t want to. Ever since you’ve gone, I’ve lost a ‘my’ person. Please stick around even though I know it stings because I do miss you a lot.