It’s taken two years to be an to type this up. It’s after midnight, Sunday, May 1st, 2016. You were the ex-best friend of the boy I lost my virginity to. We started talking on Facebook, hung out two days later.
I should’ve known you just wanted sex. But that first night, you held my hand and asked me to be your girlfriend. Then we got in your car and talked… Talked about how I lost my virginity, how I dealt with my miscarriage. Then you asked me for oral sex. I should’ve known in that moment.
But you were handsome and sweet. And little did I know, I was in for the ride of a lifetime. It didn’t take long to fall in love with you. And God did I love you. You told me you loved me first, two or three weeks into the relationship. I was scared to say it back and you put on an act, seeking like you were hurt.
But I did feel it, so I told you. We only dated for a month and in that month, we hung out almost every night when you got off work. We had sex every time we hung out. And sometimes, I said “no” during it, but you continued because I was your girlfriend, so that’s what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to have sex with you whenever you wanted.
I’ve spent the last two years being your off-and-on friends-with-benefits, wondering why you could date every girl that even looked at you during these two years, but couldn’t date ME? What’s so un-special about me? I’ve spent this time unable to have a real relationship with anyone because of you. When you broke up with me for your ex-girlfriend, you have no clue how crushed I was.
My heart broke into a million pieces and I’ll never get those pieces back. I wish I could tell you all this so that maybe you’d finally understand… I haven’t become stronger because of you, I haven’t become smarter. I don’t think I’ll ever truly love anyone else the way I love you.
I think that one day you might realize that I’m the one, but that day can’t come soon enough. I’m afraid it’ll be too late. But right now, I think we can be friends, because we’ve been talking for a week and you haven’t tried to flirt with me or get me to have sex with you yet.
I know this will never get to you, but I want to let you know that I love you so, so much. I’ll always be here for you, even if you don’t want me to be. I’ve gone through so much for you and I wouldn’t trade a second of it for a hundred years the other way.
The girl who will always love you