Where do I even begin… You aren’t even an ex. You weren’t around for a long time. But you made a huge impact on me. I met you on Tinder, you told me you were looking for a relationship, something that I’ve been craving for a while now. We texted until about 4am that night and then you asked me if you could come to the bar with me the next day, Thursday. Of course I said yes, I was dying to meet you. You came to my dorm and I signed you in while standing next to you, overwhelmed with how ridiculously tall you were. You met my friends – they loved you. You sat on the chair at my desk and went on and on about your crazy stories, trying to impress my friends and I, because you love the audience and attention, and it worked. We were all stunned at how much you loved life and never let anything stop you. You had about 16 shots, already slurring your words. That’s when you asked me to sit on the chair with you, and again, of course I did, I was dying to be closer to you. Just hearing your crazy stories and seeing your eyes light up with excitement made me smile. You wrapped your arms around me and held my hand, and it felt like the whole world had stopped. Finally. I met someone who wants what I want, who wants me. We headed to the bar with my roommate and you kissed me in the back of the cab. We had a blast, you were trampling all over the place, getting yelled at by people on the dance floor, but of course you didn’t care, and that’s what I loved about you. You told my roommate to keep an eye on me, to make sure that I didn’t go off with any other guys. And of course I didn’t – you were all that was on my mind. We left the bar and waited for my roommate and you were smiling from ear to ear, I asked what you were so happy about, you told me that you haven’t been this happy in a really long time, and my heart hadn’t felt that warm in a really long time. We headed to the dining hall, we sat at a booth and I watched you pour mounds of pepper on your grilled cheese and tater tots, and you drank your Dr. Pepper (which I despise, but you didn’t care what anyone thought of you) all whilst your hand is on my leg – making me feel like you didn’t want to let me go. We went back to my dorm and I changed into something more comfortable, because we were going back to your house, after you had texted your mom and told her that you wanted me to stay the night because you really liked me. As we waited for the Uber and during the whole ride to your house, you still had me in your arms, holding me tight. We stopped at McDonald’s because it was literally all you could talk about. You got your nuggets and fries, and some sort of smoothie that was delicious. Every time you dunked the nugget into your honey mustard, you gave me the rest of the nugget – it was so innocent, but it made me so happy. We got to your house and nothing happened, we kissed, and we talked on and on, until you fell asleep on my arm. I laid there and couldn’t fall asleep because I was in such a state of happiness, I couldn’t stop smiling. Your mom drove me back to my dorm that morning, after a small greeting and a handshake. I got butterflies in my stomach when I met her because all I could think of was, “I’m the girl he told his mom that he really liked. It’s me.” You come back over Friday night and you watched a movie with my friends and I. We sat close on my bed, awkwardly, because neither of us knew just how close to get. You left for curfew and promised you’d be back tomorrow to go to another party with me. You came that Saturday night, but little did I know, you drank four Arnold Palmer Spiked drinks before you came and still took shot after shot after shot – you’re a trooper. You sat on the edge of my bed, told me to sit with you, and held me in your arms for an hour, but felt like forever. Everyone saw how happy I was, because I couldn’t take the foolish grin off my face. You kept trying to smoke your pen, but you were already so drunk, so I kept telling you no – you replied with “you’re not my girlfriend… yet. You can’t tell me what to do.” We both looked at each other and smiled. I thought to myself, “wow, he really does like me, for me.” The night started spiraling downhill because my friend got sick from drinking too much, and then you followed. I took care of you that night like I’ve never taken care of anybody else. Everything else in the world stopped, I just needed to make sure you were okay. We ended up going back to your house that night obviously with you a little more drunk than you were on Thursday, and it happened. We had, or at least I had, the most passionate sex I have ever had. Every touch, every kiss, made me like you even more. I told you that you were too drunk to do this, but you insisted, I thought you wanted to show me how much I meant to you. The night went on, we fell asleep, we woke up the next morning, and you told me that we shouldn’t have had sex… I tried to not take it personally, but of course it stung a little bit. You also told me that you couldn’t recall if you had finished in me or not, but you insisted that I would be fine, considering I’m on birth control. You sent me back to my dorm and I saw you again later that day, to see a movie with my friends. You were quiet, way different than usual. You kept telling me that you were hungover and didn’t feel well, but I sensed that something was wrong, but I just let it go. Little did I know, sitting next to you at in that movie theater was going to be the last time I’d ever see you. We dropped you off at your house, and you disappeared. I didn’t hear from you for two days. I questioned what I did and why I always ruin these things over and over in my head for a long two days. I bought Plan B, because I was terrified that I was going to bare the child of someone who had left me. You eventually texted me and told me that you didn’t want to speak to me anymore, because you weren’t ready for a relationship – after you had led me on, and told me that I was what you wanted. That was today. I sit here, at 3am, wondering what happened, what changed, where it went wrong. You told me that you didn’t understand what went wrong and that you didn’t understand yourself, which is why you drown your veins in alcohol every night. Little did you know, you made me so happy – the happiest I’ve been in a really long time. I actually believed that you were going to stay. You had me fooled – you only wanted me for my body, like everyone else. I trusted you, you broke it. I liked you so much, you broke me. It’s the little things – like the Menthol Juul pod that you got me hooked on, and every hit, reminds me of you. Things are over between us, you made that clear. If I had known, I would have made my last few hours with you, worth it. I know I only knew you for a few days, but I miss you immensely, and I hope that you come back to me. I hope that we can continue what we started.