Dear my first love,
I was looking through some old papers and I found something you wrote to me. You ended it with my nickname “buttercup” and I broke a little inside. I remembered how happy I was when I was with you. I thought I knew what love felt like, until I met you. You came into my life so unexpectedly and little did I know you could impact me so much. You made me believe that I meant everything to you and that you would never harm me. You had me wrapped so tightly in your grasp and I didn’t want you to let go. We were together for over a year and everyday I felt more and more love for you. But my innocence blinded me, slowly you stopped loving me. You began distancing yourself from me and I didn’t feel like I was in a relationship with you any longer. I figured I was pushing you away. I remember the day that you sat me down and told me you didn’t love me anymore. I immediately broke and I cried on your shoulder. I couldn’t handle the pain anymore and you broke up with me. You left me for another girl. You made me feel like you would die without me but then shattered my heart. And do you know the worst part? When she broke up with you, you never came back. Why was I so desperate to wait around for you and yet still you found a new girl that wasn’t me. It has been a little over half a year since we broke up. And everyday I have to hold back the pain and pretend like I’m okay. Because I should be over you right? You left me so easily it makes me wonder if you ever loved me. I have fantasies of knocking on your door once more and seeing your smile as I gaze into those light blue eyes. But then I break when I remember you are gone. That you love her. And you never ever fought for me. I love you more than any other girl but you chose someone else. I know I have to be strong enough to let go, but letting go means losing you forever. I would have done anything for you. But you will never come back. You will never realize what you lost. You broke me and you get to thrive. I have to somehow move on. And I miss you so much. But that doesn’t matter. Because it doesn’t change anything. i hope that one day I move on and you realize what I would’ve given just to be with you. And maybe, you break a little inside. I wish I could tell you this in person but we haven’t said a word to eachother since the breakup and if I could just talk to you maybe I would be better. But you’re in love with someone else. Even though you were in love with me. And the pain of realizing that is overwhelming. Goodbye to the boy who I still love, but ruined me