I may be afraid and embarrassed writing this, but my heart has a mind of its own sometimes, you’d know that. I just wanted to let you know I’m trying my best to accept the fact you’re not in my life anymore, and I just can’t. I get it, i messed up when we met in real life. I ignored you, I made you feel bad, and showed you someone who isn’t me. I showed you someone weak, who let the nerves and anxiety get the best of her. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I ruined everything we could’ve had.

You were everything I expected and more, and it was just the wrong setting and environment. I wish we were alone, in the presence of one another and no one else. However, I can’t blame you for feeling the way that you felt and not wanting to have anything with me anymore. But the universe brought us together again for a reason, and I just can’t give up on you that easily, not again. I’ll go to the ends of the earth for you and do whatever it takes to make things work with us.

I promise you, the person who texted you and talked on the phone with you every time you got out of work is who I am, and I made you think I wasn’t the same person in real life. But in reality, I felt my most genuine self when I talked to you. You made me feel weak and vulnerable in the best way possible. I’ve never been less afraid to be myself and to be open and tell you things I never told anyone.

And that’s why I love you.

Regardless of the tears I’ve shed, how you’ve hurt me, how you gave up so easily, the negative things my friends said about you, our ups and downs, the numerous times I have questioned if it was all worth it, I still love you through it all. I’m in love with you, S.

Maybe this isn’t the best circumstance to tell you that for the first time, but I do and I’m so glad to be able to say it. I don’t care what people think about you. Hell, I don’t care what you think about yourself. Because all I know is that you make me so happy, invincible, and free. I don’t think I can feel that way about anyone else because you’re so like me and unlike the rest. And if all of this doesn’t mean anything to you, thank you for blessing my life in ways you could never understand. You were my first love and I will never forget you.