It’s funny how things work out, and how they don’t. I never would have imagined that four years later I would still be just as enamored with you as I was the night we met. My life has changed in more ways than I can count. I told him how I felt about you and our time together from way back when.. he wasn’t very happy but he understands now that you will always be part of my life no matter how long ago it has been.
There have been several times over the course of the last couple of years, ranging from how my day was, what you wouldn’t believe happened to me, how I wished I were who you came home to and kissed goodnight, to the horrible events that have gone on in my personal life. Several times I have almost dialed that number but it hasn’t felt right to intrude on your happiness when you have left me out of you life for so long with no looks of sadness about it.
But then there comes a night at a friends’ wedding.. when you act like you were still in love with me like I am you, and just as quickly as it came you are gone again out of my reach and nowhere to be found. I’ve wrote letters that haven’t been sent that are tucked away in the safest hands I know because if you read them I don’t know that it would matter. I mean how does one go about telling their most personal feelings to someone they haven’t been able to speak to? How does one know that they are certain they would spend the rest of their life with someone? I would like to think that we keep finding our way back to one another even in the smallest times and ways possible. Even if it is only 20 minutes with you looking at me like you always have rather than a life time, I will live in those few moments rather than think you’d rather be in someone else’s arms every night..
Life with you was short in itself, but you brought out the best parts of me. You showed me how to love myself and not take things for granted. You showed me that I can be myself and someone will love me unconditionally. I want to thank you for that. Without someone like you I don’t know where I would be. You opened my eyes to what love truly was and I don’t think I will ever look at it the same.
I’m not sure how to go on in my life without trying to explain and show you that I would gladly spend the rest of my life by your side, but the fear of that feeling not being reciprocated scares the living shit out of me.. I don’t want to hear that you love her and don’t want to be with me.. I want to hear you love me too and that you will never let me go again.. but I don’t see that happening now or ever.. I love you I wasn’t strong enough to admit it then but I’ve said it more the past year than I ever have.. I always have and always will. Someday I hope you find your way back to me, because if you never do.. my wedding pictures won’t make any sense with this art on me without you next to me…