This is so unusual, but im glad i have found a platform that allows me to express my feelings effeciently. Its only been a day of our break up and i am sitting here sulking in bed trying to figure out everything that has happened, am i dreaming or is this real. I can only hope i was dreaming but im not.
When i first met you, i was unsure of what we would be or where it was all gonna end. I was more sceptical than scared.. i couldnt have been scared because i knew i was ready for love, but sitting here today in depth with my thoughts i ask myself was i really ready for love or did i just become too obsessed with the idea of being loved.
The first few months of our relationship was heaven. You exposed me to a world full of so much love. Everything was like a dream after everything i had been through in the past, here i was finally standing infront of this amazing wonderful being who treats me right.
I did everything by the book my previous relationship before but i still lost it. When i met you and saw how much of a good guy you were, i got scared. It was a scary feeling for me with all the negative thoughts in my mind “what if i loose him too in future”. Now whenever it was time for me to tell the truth about something, even the smallest things that were’nt harmful to niether of us i got cold feet, gof scared of how you would react or whether you will still want to be with me of not. The thought of loosing you always crowded my judgement .
Im sad that after a beautiful 1 year we have had together all my lies have finally caught up with me, im angry at myself now that i realize i haf no reason to lie to you, im writing this witj tears running down my cheecks confused and upset.
Im hurt that all our future plans have been destroyed before they were brought to life, ive spent so much time with you that i dont know what im gonna do without you around. I havr crushed you, lied to you, and destroyed us. But one thing i was genuin about is my love for you. I love you more than anything in this world, i am sorry for everything.
Seeing you with someone would crash me, but i wish you well. You an amazing man with pure heart.
I will always love you shom shom.
Takd care ×××××