I don’t really know how to start, nor how I should finish. You were the love of my life. The soulmate that all others look for in this dreaded world. You were my stars in the night sky, and my sunrise every morning. The first time we met I never thought of you more than a friend. I remember the first time we kissed… How you asked me if i would “kiss you back, or turn away”. Obviously I was not turning away because I saw something special in you. When you kissed me, I was lost. I was in this wonderful, lost, forbidden place, that I didn’t even know existed. I didn’t know how to react, but I did know, from that moment on, I was forever yours. You helped raise my son, he was only 3 months old, but you raised him till he was 3. You were his dad, I have no doubt about that. We became lost. I, became lost. We were trying for another baby, and it wasn’t happening. Your depression became worse than ever before. Bill’s couldn’t be pain, jobs were lost, cars were taken off the road, yet somehow, I still could never leave. I worked 2 jobs, visited you in the hospital, tried to stabilize my mental health, while taking care of my son, but it still wasn’t enough… Not for you at least. So we separated. You moved 2 friends in, the next week. I moved out, and took all that I could with me. You haven’t seen my son, and he still asks about you, eight months later. I’m moving into my own house, have my wonderful son, and an amazing boyfriend, and I’m expecting another baby in four months.. so why does my heart still hurt, why does my smile feel misplaced. Why can’t I move past you. My life is wonderful now (it should be), but I would rather be struggling with you, in an apartment, with none of the things I have now, just to be happy. You won’t ever see this, nor will I ever tell anyone about this. Just know, I still love you, I always will. If I could go back and start over with you, knowing how it would end, I would do it in a heartbeat. You’re my soul mate. I will never find you again.