It’s crazy because somehow I still miss you even that I get used to it, I got used to the feeling where I still want to be with you and I got used to not telling you how I feel and I got used to loving you and putting you first, I get used to it go crazy every time I hear your name and I got used to being hurt by you cuz no matter I always end up being sad over you again and again. I want you so bad because you always in my head like all the time but I’m never in yours which make me so sad and hurt but I’m still thinking of you like all the time. I would probably be choosing you over a hundred people when you’re not even choosing me when you don’t even care as much I care about you but I still hope I truly hope you when you lay in the bed you think of me because I’m thinking of you and like you are the only thing that makes me happy but I don’t want you to make me happy because I don’t want to be happy by just a boy but you, not just a boy you are something else you were different than others, in my eyes you deserve the word and I couldn’t give it to you and I know that I wasn’t the best girlfriend but let me show you that I can be better, let me show how amazing you are and how much feeling I have for you and how much I care about you. you give me an amazing feeling like I feel safe when I’m talking to you because you were the first boy who made me feel loved, you were the first one who ever made me feel safe, comfortable you were the first one I can actually talk to you and be myself with and I’m sad it had to end but sometimes I question my self wasn’t I was not good enough or was it just because you lost feeling, I don’t know anymore I don’t know why we have to end but I know that it hurt really really bad to the point where I changed like that I’m not myself anymore. I’m so cold inside and I don’t blame you because I know I have done something that I shouldn’t have done and I know I should have treated you better but I didn’t and I regret so much because you deserve so much, so much more then I could ever give you. You’re like butterflies so pretty and gorgeous to watch but so hard to catch but I just want to catch you in my arms just one more time and tell you how I feel and sometimes you are that only thing in my mind and I want to tell you how I feel but I’m too scared cuz you probably don’t feel the same way and I’m here being sad over you and I know I need to stop talking to you so I can get over but even if I’m not talking to you I’m still thinking about you but whenever we talked it makes me so happy and it makes me feel like but I’m tired of waiting for you but I know that I’m falling for you even harder every day I’m falling for your smile for your face and for the way you talk for the way you laugh for the way you smile every way about you. I don’t want anybody I only want you I would probably choose you over a hundred thousand people and I’m crazy over you, but add that you were the first boy who broke me. I open up to you I told you my secret I trusted you even though you lied to me about your feeling even though you told me that you never felt like this before you still lied I know have you felt like this way before but I wish you haven’t I wish I was the one who made you this way I wish I was the one for you but you broke my heart a thousand pieces and you don’t even realize that.
2-2-18
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