Dear M,

There are so many things I want to say to you. Not just say them, SCREAM them. But, I am going to start off with three simple words: I hate you. With all my heart, I hate you. You are everything evil in this world.
I’ll be honest, I have, and still, blame you for my mental problems. I have suicidal thoughts, I am clinically depressed (diagnosed) and I am on meds. I blame all of that on you. I know I know, it’s my problem and it’s my doing, but I like blaming you because of what you did and who you are.
You aren’t a person, a human, you don’t have any emotions or any sign of a heart. I know that’s rich for me to say because I am pretty coldhearted towards you. But let’s get something straight and we can start from the very beginning.
I loved you, you were everything good in this world to me. You were my lifeline (very cheesy I know) and I would do anything for you to make you happy. I cared about you so much but I didn’t think about what was actually going on. What have you done? What joy did you bring me? Sure, half-assed blowjobs and the occasional head-on-the-shoulder, but were you really there for me? Nothing for my birthday, nothing for Christmas, and when I DID get you something, not even a thank you. I’m surprised you managed to look me in the eye. Was I really not enough for you? Now that I think about it, your standards are pretty low; tall, Asian, rich, and smart. That’s about it. You fucked one of those guys within a few days of meeting him hahaha…and yeah I’ve had other girls (4) and yeah they are WAY better than anything you could ever do (something I’m sure you’re practicing) but I’ve always been searching for the one I can love again. I finally met her, in Shanghai. She goes to Puxi which irritates me. We are meant for each other and while I was with her/talking to her, I forgot about you and it was the happiest I’ve ever been. So yeah, fuck you #1.
Anyways, now to something a little more recent. You’re in my physics class, I hate it. I love physics but I hate you. You are that dark entity in the corner and just exonerates negative shit. You’re very loud too. It takes every ounce of mental strength for me not to stand up and tell you to shut the fuck up every single class. I hate your voice, its like glass on a porcelain plate. Fuck I just hate you so much. I hate you because I loved you…and how could I love something like you? Oh yeah, that’s right, because you were fucking fake.
You’re just like any other girl…you aren’t special…but in a sense you are because every other girl is human. How can you sit back and watch as you accuse me of sexual assault and lie to everyone about what I am? Sure, I told people what you told me: you fucked a guy over summer within a week of meeting him. I see why you would care about people knowing it but the problem is that I don’t care. I don’t care about you, in fact, I wish so much hurt and pain towards you. Whether it being physical (you break a leg to lose an arm) or mental (you go through what I went through) I don’t care as long as its pain. I want to see you feeling the same fucking pain I had to feel when I broke up with you and when your bitch friends reported me for sexual assault.
It’s not that I don’t have emotions anymore or that I don’t care about anything anymore, its just that I have priorities. Your emotions and feelings are not on the list of my priorities. You had someone that loved you, treated you good, and would do anything for you. You told me you loved me and then a month later changed your mind out of the blue. And then you have the audacity to say that the breakup was “so sudden”. You’re something else.
Anyways, I can’t wait until we graduate so I can go back to America and forget about you for good. I hope you rot in hell and I hope you get a perpetual period (meaning it non-stop). Fuck you and have a shit life.
* Cam