Tired of chasing you

Tired of chasing you

Tired of chasing you

Dear M, 
My long distance love..
Somethings about us doesn’t seem right these days.
you claimed that you love me but why are you being so inconsistent?
what have I done so bad that you decreased our time together and shorten our conversation ?

I really love you and I have not been happy lately.
I noticed things has changed so much and i can not pretend that it isn’t there.
I just want to be happy and what I want, i don’t think you can give me and you are clearly not ready for the commitment and time that comes with it.
I can see the changes and you shutting me out and it’s killing to the point where I can barely breathe.
So many nights where I’d wake up fill with anxiety and emotions then I would have to cry myself to sleep again not knowing how we will be the next day.

We used to talk and spent so much time together..but now it’s seems like I’m always waiting around for you to notice me. 
I miss those times when you would get so excited to talk to me, you would call me at 4 am to wake me up because you missed me. we would hang around and play games together for hours and after that you would call me and we would talk some more and we would fall asleep together. 
No matter what time it was and no matter how ugly I said i looked, you would always ask me to have my cam on so you could compliment me and made me feel so beautiful. 

This was our thing, it’s what we do every single day that it became a normal thing for us.. especially for me.
But now those days are gone, our conversation are not the same and you stopped calling me and stop wanting to see me.
If i wanted to talk to you, I would have to call you because you don’t open my messaged anymore.
Everything changes so much to the point where Id have to ask if we could sleep in calls and most of the time you’d reject me because you need to focus on your sleep..

I just don’t understand.
I’m so scared to ask you for some reassurance because I know you’ll make it seem like I am ungrateful of your love and that I don’t believe that you…
But reassurance is what I need, especially right now.
It’s so hard to get something out of you and most of the time i don’t even know if i should try anymore because I feel like you don’t even care.
You say that you love me but you don’t make an effort to show me that.
It’s hard enough that you live in the other side of the world from me, but what hurts the most is that you’ve taken everything that makes me feel closer to you and threw it away like it’s not a big deal.

All i wanted is for us to be the way we were before, where I felt like i meant everything to you and that you appreciate me. 
Now it just seems like you just want to keep me around.. but for what ? 
I don’t ask for much.. I just want the old you back and I want to feel the love again. 
I have been very patient hoping things would go back but now I am emotionally drained and I’m so tired of chasing you… I’m tired of chasing for your love and affection.
I really went against myself in giving up on love after my last , but you came around and changed my mind and i decided to take a huge Risk and fall for you.

I fell for you so hard that I feel like I’m drowning.
I was so prepared to move and drop everything I have include leaving my friends and family just to be with you and start a new life and start a family with you. 
But now those things are not going to happen and it’s heartbreaking.
i envy the girl that will get to have that with you and I really Wish Things didn’t turn out this way.
I’m so sorry for expecting too much from you and I’m sorry that I am not the one for you anymore.
I can’t force you to give me the love and affection plus your precious time anymore so i will stop chasing for it.
I’m not stopping because I stopped loving you, I stop because I love you so much that I’m hurting so bad… 
Just know that I will always love you and think about you every seconds and every day.
So After all we’ve been through and the meany tears i’ve shed, Its time for me to let you go.
I’m sorry and I love you.


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