Hi love, i hope you’re doing well and in high spirits. i’ve been good too (just in case you’re wondering). i’ve been eating healthy foods and doing well in school. i met some really nice girls and they care about me so much. it’s been a while since i last thought of you. it’s really crazy how now when i look back to the heartbreak i had when you left, it feels like an illusion. and the late night calls in winter and the long texts and the puns and the jokes and the giggles, maybe even the love we shared, feels like an illusion. i used to think that our love is so pure and beautiful. i was mighty proud of our love. because i hadn’t felt anything like this before. if i could, i would have announced it to the whole world that you are the love of my life. my baby. my best friend. my love. 

“Good morning love” or “good night love” or “take care love”, that was how i greeted you every single day. my love for you was so strong and powerful that I didn’t realize that I was so naive to place an idea so beautiful on the image of a person. you. 

But soon I saw how you didn’t like me the way I liked you. “but that’s alright, my love will be enough for the both of us”. I saw you took me for granted. “but u have to be with him pearl, he needs you”. I saw how you didn’t apologize when you should have. “but he’s my love, I don’t have the right to remain angry at my love!!”  after months and months of being treated that way and slowly realising that the problem wasn’t me, it was you. I started to give up. it took me insane amount of strength to let go of the only person whom I loved. and even when I did go away, I kept coming back. because I felt guilty. it’s like how a parent can be mad at their kid but they can never leave their kid for being mischievous or throwing tantrums. 
but I was not the parent in this relationship. I didn’t have to be. I am my own parent and child. all along I should have been taking care of myself instead of you. because somewhere while I was trying to win back your love and being taken for granted and being ignored, I lost my way. 

But I don’t regret anything. I don’t regret loving you or staying with you for too long even though you treated me so bad sometimes. i think love is such a beautiful feeling. it’s a gift. and a blessing. so I’m thankful for that. and i’ll always be grateful to you for your love. 
You see love, you never told me much. but I saw through you. I saw that you were just pretending to be cold. I saw behind this cold mysterious face there was a young boy who just wanted to be loved and not be left alone. I saw your pain in your eyes even when u tried to hide it. and I decided that I would love and love and love you no matter what. i was young, u see. i didn’t understand that you had abandonment issues and fear of intimacy and fear of commitment, that is something that I’m still learning. 
so when I realised that I was only hurting you by trying to love you and to win you back, that’s the moment I let you go. because i wanted the best for you and always will. my love for you will never go anywhere. and after crying a truck load of tears I finally was able to let you go. I let you go with love. 

Maybe someday you’ll be able to love yourself enough to forgive yourself. and realise that you’re worthy of love, you’re worthy of happiness. I hope you’ll see the good in you, the way I see you. maybe someday you’ll let down your walls and be open to love and I hope you’ll meet a young pretty funny girl someday, who’ll be so kind to you and who’ll love you more than anything. 

– P