Dear Dominic

I waited for you to come back and apologise.
Your mother to apologise.

The pain, hurt and disrespect you put me through, both you and your mother was unwarranted and unfair.
I didn’t deserve any of it. 
Over a misunderstanding? Miscommunication? 
That was unfair, uncalled for and I’m disappointed in both you and your mother.

At first I thought it’s because I didn’t love you enough, I didn’t sacrifice enough.
I did, I really did.
Yes I shouldn’t have act hastily, I shouldn’t have blocked you.
Yet, I’m able to admit my faults are you ready to admit yours?

Rachel, I never yelled at you, I never disrespected you or your family. If you believe I did I’m sorry.

When a family member dies, it’s painful, it’s indescribable, especially when you’re close to them. I would expect you to understand Rachel, Dominic you also because you’ve lost your best friend. When someone is going through great loss, hardship and pain you don’t add to that, you try to help, you give them grace, you allow them to grieve, you support them the best you can. You don’t leave them, you don’t tell them they’re confuse, you try to understand. You failed me. 

R and R, I love your son and part of me will always love him, want the best for, care for him and pray for him. Lord knows I do, lord knows I tried.
One thing I can say I did for you Dominic is try. You can deny that.
I told you my truth, my past, my trauma and you took advantage, twisted it and weaponised it. 

R for you to say my trauma isn’t a big deal, I should get over it, I should just do better? Shame on you, shame on you!  I expected better from you, I loved you too, like my own mother. I trusted you, I expected more from you.
You’ll never believe the love I had for you son, the future I planned, we planned, I cared for you, wanted the best for you and your family.

You chose to leave when I needed you, and put yourself first, you don’t do that in a relationship because you are a team you work together.
R if R left you when your father died, when your family left you alone would you be happy? 

To shame someone for their sexual preferences, when it causes no harm to anyone is a terrible thing to do especially if you don’t understand. Preferences your son knew about and accepted prior to our relationship. All of you failed to listen, you were so clouded by your emotions, drowned by your judgements – in the end you and your mother ended causing me so much harm.

After everything, knowing my mental health was in the state it was, none of you reached out or showed any care. I would have never done that to you or your mother. So of course I’ll question if you ever loved me or cared.

Two weeks after we broke up you were on dating sites Dominic, I wasn’t even in the country and you were trying to move on, barely a year later you were in a relationship. 
To your mother and father, R and R, I trusted you, I believed you and you failed me. You failed to hold your son accountable for his actions and blamed me for everything, refused to allow us to work things out independently as adults. I’m disappointed in you both.

For that I can only blame myself. I don’t hate you nor do I resent you. I forgive you all.
Because of this relationship I tried to end everything, I tried to kill myself, I tried to end everything and I failed.
Today I have scars of my attempts – they remind me of the lies I believed and how alone I am.
R you told me I was unstable, I was unwell and needed help – yes I do, I was grieving, reliving trauma and having ptsd. No it’s not excuses but it’s an explanation for why things were the way they were. 
I compromised so much for your son and I asked him told do one thing, which we all agreed was ok. Yet excluded me from the conversation and shamed me, repeatedly. That’s what hurt me, that’s what broke me.

Regardless, thank you.
I pray you never go through the pain I did, the hurt I feel but if you ever do i hope you can find comfort within yourself and with each other. 
Because God knows that’s more than I ever got.

May you heart never carry the darkness of the past, may you love give you light to guide you along your path.

I love you Dominic
See you one day 

(What is mine is mine.
I don’t chase, I attract what belong to me will always find me.)


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