I’m trying to make sense of it all. you have no idea how many fucked up questions still swirl around my head its just unbearable. and i also keep asking myself “what if” consistently. when’d you get tired of me? how could you pretend that you loved and cared about me? how could you “love” two people at the same time? i loved you and only you but why couldn’t you? one of the most selfish things you can do is to tell someone you love them when you fucking don’t i really wish you knew that.

You said that it was never the same ever since we split up although you started talking to her way prior to our breakup. you kept fucking saying that “oh, but you broke up w me in the first place!!” well, maybe because i knew i was gonna get hurt, maybe because i sensed that something was wrong but i couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to you. yk the thing about ldr is that both parties have to actively choose each other every fucking day. i was way too committed to you i guess cus i never stopped choosing u. so why’d you choose her? was it an easy way out? why’d u say you didn’t wanna lose me when i tried to break up with you?

I tried to give you everything i could. i’m sorry for giving my all yet not seeming to give enough. i was a bit skeptical when you changed drastically towards me. turns out i was wrong all along. however, you kept on denying everything. all the assumptions i made about you and the girl….you made me think i was paranoid all the time. you tricked me into thinking that i was the problem. why was it so hard for u to choose between two girls? if you had told me that there’s someone else i would have just left you alone + i wouldn’t be so heartbroken right now. instead you just got my hopes up and led me on. you played with my feelings and emotions. you could have prevented some part of it but you decided not to. you gaslighted me and always tried to shift the blame.

The worst part is that i still only blame myself for somehow screwing it up. i hurt myself cus i trusted you too much. i truly find it difficult to accept that someone who i thought was my everything, my entire universe and who i thought i knew so well could wind up hurting me in the worst way possible. i just cannot grasp it whatsoever. i mean i get that it was difficult for us to each other esp during this global pandemic but is this really your way of overcoming obstacles?