Dear A,

I miss you so much, and it’s been hard lately.  I really wish you would come back, but I know I messed up.  I didn’t mean to compare you to my ex-fiance consistently because I didn’t realize that my parents were trying to sabotage our relationship but I still did it by listening to them. I let them influence me, and I’m sorry.  You and your family changed my life.  You all showed me how it feels to have a real family that cared for me and accepted me for who I was. You showed me what a real family is like and it sucks to think every day that I really messed it up by treating you how my parents and my exfiance treated me.  I’m so sorry that I acted like a victim because for a long time I was the victim, and this time around I fucking did it to you.  I’m really sorry, and I can’t take back what happened. I really want you back in my life, but I’m struggling so bad right now that I’ve lost my confidence in myself.  I’m trying to fight every day not to call, text, or email you; trying not to harm myself; and trying not to do something to stupid to hurt myself. I’m doing everything I can to not go back to my toxic family too because I know they’re just going to treat me the same, and I never want to treat anyone like that again nor do I ever want to be a toxic person.  I still love you and care so much about you, and I’m going to do everything I can to get better and never do this to you nor anyone in my life.

Sincerely,
J