My realisation…

My realisation…

My realisation…

Hey

It’s been two years, two years which have changed us both. My dad died, we went through a global pandemic and we’re still recovering. God knows what you’ve done through. There are so many things I have realised and so many things I wish I had told you when we were together. So, as I can’t message you, here goes.

I’m in treatment, actual proper treatment. I’ve learnt so much about myself and my illness, I have BPD, the same as my Dad which is terrifying. It killed him. Through that diagnosis I learnt about how I approach relationships, both platonic and romantic and I see how wrong it is. If I’m being honest throughout our relationship I kept breaking up with you because I was terrified that one day you’d wake up and finally see that I was not worth it, not worth the pain and the constant rollercoaster I seemed to be on. I felt so insecure, I was sure that you were just dating me because you knew I was easy. I’d date you, I’d love you and you’d get everything you wanted. Almost everything. I realise now that you didn’t get the one thing you wanted… Me.

I was terrified in all honesty. You had so much control over me, you had my heart and with a few words you could break me into tiny pieces and I hated it. I was vulnerable, you were my kryptonite in a way. I was so in love with you, gods it actually hurts. I was so terrified of what other people were going to say, think and how they would react. My friends made me feel like I was stupid for loving you, but they didn’t know you like I do… did. So many times I’ve almost messaged you and told you how sorry I am, how much I regret leaving you. 

I hope you know that I don’t regret you… I would never.

I’m sorry.

2 Comments

  1. .T 4 weeks ago

    You should. He probably misses you more than you’ll ever know…

    Part of me hopes this is for me, but the other part of me knows it’s probably not.

    Either way, you should reach out and tell him.

    It’s never too late to do what’s right. Real love never dies.

  2. Anon 6 days ago

    T why don’t you write your person a letter and reach out. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to reach out to someone you have wronged and hope you won’t be rejected or ignored.

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