Dear N , when we met online I felt sparks instantly , wanting to stay up late talking to you , having so much in common. I could tell you were as excited as I was. When I met you a week later it was one of the most memorable days of my life , I knew instantly you were different from my other dates. It felt so different. I was so attracted to you – you were and still are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. It was like I met the person I’d been holding off for and you were the reason it never worked with anyone else. Our romance was a whirlwind, every day I woke up so excited for a new day of having you in my life.

You’d text me during the day making me smile while I was at work , we’d spend every weekend with each other and some week nights. You made me feel so beautiful, I believe we both felt the exact same as each other. I thought this is it , this is what it’s like to meet your soulmate.

Then it started to come crashing down. Little by little i’d notice your energy towards me changing, taking longer to reply, seeing me less, being less intimate. What happened? Part of me thought I must be imagining this, you’re my soulmate we won’t fall out. I tried my best to stay optimistic even though I felt you going off me. Then the dreaded day came 4 months after we met, you dumped me – via text(coward). Saying “something was missing”  this was a week before my 30th birthday that I shared with my twin brother who had passed away – I thought this year for the first time my birthday will be amazing because I’ll have you.

Nope I cried the week leading up to my birthday and prayed you’d text, you did text to say happy birthday and I felt like I had a chance of happiness again. You kept the conversation going then we stopped and started a lot, stopping anytime I asked what was happening with us and if we were going to see each other then you’d turn it around and say you were having fun just chatting to me but could see it wasn’t going to work. I felt like you basically just kept me dangling on a string for 6 months after our break up because you didn’t want anyone else to have me. I fed your ego. You knew I was in love with you and you didn’t do the decent thing and end things properly out of your own selfish reasons because you probably were bored and wanted someone to text.

Still to this day I think about you when I wake up and when I go to bed and through out the day , I’m worried that I can’t get over you. Why do I still think about you this much? What if you were my soul mate and you ruined it? Our last fall out was our worst you sent me a voice note for another girl , just when I thought we were getting somewhere. I’ve never cried so much – the thought of you and another girl kills me. I’ve text you so many times sounding so desperate and you’ve just decided you’re ignoring me now. I never thought we’d ever be in this position. I though when I met you “this is it” please god give me the strength to somehow get over this even though deep down I know I hope that you contact me and ask to see me. I wish you loved me like I love you .