I don’t know how to begin with. Its been like forever but i still miss you everyday. I just want you to know that i still love you and that you are still special. Im sorry if i left you just like that. That was my biggest mistake. I was a coward. Maybe because i was just afraid of the bad consequences, we were too young then. But believe me i regret that decision. 

There’s so much i want to tell you Rubs, im really sorry if i messed things up. Its just that i didn’t feel you truly love me or cared enough, or maybe i just dont know you that much that i couldnt read your mind. I felt like  i loved you so much that my mind is not serving me well everytime im with you. I knew i loved you the moment i took my clothes off with a boy for the very first time. 

How i wish i can just delete you from my memory or unlove you that easy, but i guess that will never happen. My aluba memories are locked safely tho.

I know you are happy now, you’ve got 3 boys and a loving wife so this feeling is really not making sense anymore. We are both living our married lives so i shouldnt be writing this too. I dont even know why the hell im writning this at all. I wish we could have been forever but everythings just a wish now. I still wonder whether you think about me or even miss me or its just me. I don’t know. I really dont know. 

I am just so tired of this. So many useless what ifs. If only i learned how to communicate better then things would have been different.

Loving you from afar,


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