SB,
Do you remember the trip we took to Chicago the spring of our senior year? You told me we were just going for break to visit your cousin and because I had never been. You surprised me that trip and not just by asking me to prom with a poster in front of the bean. You surprised me in the ways I could love you. You had always been just my best friend and that trip made me realize that even though we had only been dating for 4 months that I couldn’t imagine ever going back to just best friends again. 
I got a tattoo on my hip my freshman year of college because you’d always quote the part of our song that went “you’re my sunshine on the darkest days”. You used to say I was warm and I used to say that you brought out the best of me but I think when you left you took that version of me with you. I remember her but I don’t remember becoming like this. People tell me I’m cold now but I don’t remember when the thought of hugging someone became so terrifying to me
When we first broke up I could see that it hurt you but still while you were trying to get with all my friends, I couldn’t even talk to another boy because I felt like I was cheating on you. How fucked up is it that even now, I’m afraid I’ll hurt your feelings if I go on a date with someone. Like you’re not the one dating my former best friend. Selfishly I hope she’s not the one but our time is over. I hope you end up as happy as I tried to make you and I hope that finally, finally you can let me go too. 
When we went to Chicago it made me realize I couldn’t go back to just friends and I guess I was right.
Always, only, ever
Lyss