Not yours anymore

Not yours anymore

Not yours anymore

I don’t understand what I did to deserve you not only leaving me, but now hating me. if anyone should hate anyone it should be ME hating YOU. but no, you can’t even look at me, or stand in the same 500m radius as me, because of what? I don’t believe the fact that you left me because I had a few drinks and said things I didn’t even mean. you used to drink w Charlie, she used to get piss drunk as well. but you never left her. why was I so easy for you to let go of. I don’t understand what I didn’t do and why I wasn’t enough for you to want me like I wanted you.

I never opened my heart to someone the way I did to you and you literally used me. you only ever liked the attention I was giving you and when you realised I wasn’t what you wanted you dipped.  and you don’t even see how wrong it was to do that which is even worse. you don’t even see how much you affected me. I literally skipped 2 weeks of math to avoid being in the same class as you. I got my hair done, I joined a fucking gym just like you BEGGED me to for MONTHS because “I would look so much better”. I did so much for you and you didn’t even care. I stopped working 40 hour weeks and cut it down to 15 hour weeks just so I could hang out with you and stay on the phone w you all day and night. I changed almost everything for you.

I just want you to tell me exactly what more you wanted me to do for you or what I REALLY did that drove you away. Or why you avoid me like I’m the fucking PLAGUE at school or anywhere else. I want to know what I did to deserve this. and the fact that you literally started hanging around with Nora not even 24 hours after you ended things??? that was so wrong. I don’t even care if you are just friends it’s just the fact that the whole time I was worried and I told you multiple times I was worried about you and her ESPECIALLY after you LIED to me about how you guys hooked up. it was just disrespectful.

No matter how hard you try I will always be in your life whether it’s through school, Sean , Dan , or any of your other friends. I will always be there and you will always have to be around me one way or another. Melbourne is big but it’s not big enough to avoid me for the rest of your life. so why don’t you just suck up your pride and start acting more mature about the situation like I have. you ruined my entire 19th birthday, the one that WE planned TOGETHER and I still found it in me to invite you to my birthday dinner, and then you don’t even tell me that you’re not coming you just don’t show up??? and plan something with the boys??? a message would’ve been nice. even a “sorry I can’t make it” would’ve been fine. or maybe if you actually said happy birthday to me instead of practically chucking my beanie at me.

There were so many red flags that I just looked past because I genuinely thought you liked me but now that I’m looking back I should’ve ran the minute you said to me that I could never do better than you. or that I would look better if I started working out or ate more. or when you’re entire best friends list was chicks and I was constantly dropping from first to second every few days. or when you refused to post me and tried to lie about it. or lied about your hookups. or how you refused to have me as your wall paper or Lock Screen. and how you would let go of my hand in public if a group of chicks would walk by. or when other people asked about us you would make up some bullshit and say “we aren’t even talking yet”. or when jayla asked you “what’s going on w u and larissa ” and you said “she’s up my ass” ?????

I never even bought it up to you because I didn’t want to cause a fight. that’s how scared of losing you i was. I would avoid all my emotions no matter how sad or angry you made me because I didn’t want YOU to be angry at ME and I didn’t want you to feel bad. as much as I absolutely despise you I don’t hate you. I’m just extremely put off. you are not the same person that I would stay on the phone with until I fell asleep 2 months ago. you changed and you need to work on yourself and when you realised you lost the only girl that would’ve given you whatever you wanted I hope you regret your decision. 
worst wishes – Larissa


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