So after all that, you’re okay with acting like WE never happened? and you just gonna go behind my back, this is what we doing now? You know, after all the promises, the memories, the words, etc. you are telling me, you’re good with acting like me and you and i were never a thing, or me and Joslynn were never a thing. I see.
After i was forced to move on, and fix my own heart. you guys decide to just shatter it again. After all the days and nights i spent w you. After all the facetime calls i stayed up to talk w you. After all the goodnight paragraphs. the promises. But i guess i should’ve known. I should’ve saw this coming. I’m not mad. I’ve come to realize that no matter what you may have said, you didn’t care. idk what i was to you, but obviously it wasn’t enough.
Obviously you didn’t care enough for me because if you did, and if you truly loved me, you wouldn’t do this. People who love someone, don’t hurt them. But that’s exactly what you did and you never even cared that you did. Because as you sit there and talk to her and facetime her, i know you thought of me once, i know you know how bad it would hurt me and as bad as i wanna be mad at you, i can’t. Because i know that after everything, i still wouldn’t do that to you. I know that no matter how badly you have hurt me, i will never do that to you and although losing you hurt me, and losing her hurt me, i will say one thing, every promise i’ve ever made, i will always keep and at the end of the day, all i can say is that i tried and i’m so proud of myself.
I don’t know the reason you guys were talking or the reason y’all were on facetime, nor do i wanna know. I don’t care that y’all were friends longer, it’s just code. because no matter what, we had history. i don’t care if she told me to kill myself, i would still never go do that to her. that is just code. I know i’m gonna look back on this and realize it doesn’t matter because realistically, i shouldn’t sit here and try to say something when i know it will still go through one ear and out the other. But i think it’s unfair if i didn’t get to say something. Because for thee longest time, i have shut up. you never know pain until you get hurt by the person you once told all your pain to. cmon, our relationship had so much potential. after all i believed, every word and promise.
I hope you know that i pray for your happiness like i pray for mine because i just couldn’t see myself praying evil upon you. losing you was not easy. letting go was not easy. watching you walk away was not easy. trying to stop myself from loving you is not easy. getting through my day without you was not easy, you became part of my routine. moving on was not easy. seeing you was not easy. being “just friends” was not easy. insecure was not easy. acting tough was not easy. thinking about you was not easy, and trying not to think about you was not easy. listening to our old songs is not easy. living without your voice was not easy. saying goodbye was not easy. everything that happened was not easy, ever.
tbh, i wish i could go back in time to the first day we started talking, and stop myself. i would block you right there. although you left me with so many lovely memories, you have still left my heart shattered in every way. if i had never met you, then there would be no need to impress you. no need to want you. no need for loving you. no need for crying over you. no need for pain. no need for forgotten promises. no need for anything. and i could’ve moved on with my life and been happy and stayed happy. all i can say is that i tried. i worked hard for you. i tried my best to be the best i could, no matter how hard it got. and i’m not asking for you to reply or to say sorry either, because we’ve been there. but i just wanted to at least put my word out there.