This goes out to Christian B., who probably will never read this… so this will be for those who are as heartbroken as I am at this moment.
It has only been one year with you and before you there were many many other guys. I would have never thought that I could care about a guy as much as I did about you and that is because it hurts so bad now. I have been through other heartbreak moments before, but this one now kills me inside.
I can’t breathe without thinking about you… I think about your lips, your touch and your eyes all the time and the killer part of it is, that I know I won’t see you again, ever. This could have been less painfull if I wasnt that stupid and naive. I should have listen to everyones “no contact rule”, maybe it would have been better now, but I could not. I could not imagine not to see you anymore, never hear your voice again and never feel your body close to mine again. But now it is happening. We are seperated and you don’t want me back. I know it has been tough a few times, because my family history and life is far away from perfect. With you I imagined myself being happy and first of all: being normal (finally). You were the first boy that I really could imagine being with forever, travel and live together. But it was too much for you and you did not imagine the same things that I did. You were not ready to share a live together, you wanted a relationship but still live by your own and continue your single.life somehow and that really hurt me. I gave you my heart and I was ready to do and to give everything you wanted so that you could be happy with me… but in the end it was not enough. Furthermore I must say, that even though I loved you, I still needed to care about my own imaginations of life and unfortunately I was the only one with a willingness to compromise.
When you told me I am not the one, I am not the woman of your dreams, I felt like dying. Your words hurt me so bad, I wantedt to kill myself. Luckily I didn’t do it because I understand now, that suffering is necessary to enjoy the better side of life after it. Honestly? I don’t know how long I will suffer because of my broken heart, but I won’t give up just because you did not appreciate what I gave to you. It seems like you only gave me the feeling of love, but in the end it was just the perfect sex for you. Still I miss it.
After you broke my heart like that, I really do not wish you well. Bye, P.