C, 
I miss you. I miss your family. I miss our time together. I miss our bonding experiences. I miss our love. I miss our friendship. There are so many ‘I miss’s. It feels strange. People tell you with each month you will get ‘better’, they use this term for a state of existence, a feeling, a state of mind that is invisible. It feels like I am feeling that ‘better’, but I can’t find a way to represent it. To put pictures to it. If this was the answer in a game of Pictionary, I would not be able to draw it.  In a way it feels familiar, scary. It is happening and I am scared. Today I just miss you. There is so much that I want to share with you, it feels like I am in a corn maze and can’t find the right way to you, I get just close enough and then I find the dead end. I go back and forth in my mind trying to decide whether to reach out until the monster becomes so big I have to let in win, so I let it go. It hurts me and I am terrified. I miss you today. Everyday.