Lindsey…I know this has .000001% of ever reaching you, and that is the reason I’m putting it here. You made the decision that you didn’t see a future with us and I respect that. You have every right to feel this way as the way I made you feel undesired, unappreciated, and ultimately unwanted was never about you. I had never realized how much of my past I had held onto until you. I made more mistakes with one person than could ever be imaginable and for that I’m truly sorry. 

When we met, I was not looking for anything other than to spend time with someone and feel desired again. Saying that out loud makes me realize that I did one of the most horrific things anyone could ever do. We ended things and months later reconnected to repeat the same process. We tried too many times to be imaginable. The last time a few months ago, I was finally ready to really be in this thing, although it was too late. They say you never really know what you have until it’s gone and I’m the walking embodiment of that! You once said “I’m drawn to you differently than I ever have been with anyone”, I felt the same way. Something about you made me drawn to you, I’ve never felt it before nor since. I’ve never once had anyone look at me the way you did…with the utmost love in their eyes! You could tell I meant everything to you, even outsiders looking in saw it! Just know I saw it too! It took me far too long to get over my past bullshit and be the man you needed…the man any woman needed. For that, I’m truly sorry that I allowed you to love a man that wasn’t ready to be loved.

The last time we spoke in the park about our breakup was the hardest day of my life! I’ve never opened up to someone like I did you that day. I promised myself I’d lay everything on the table and let the chips fall where they may. I wanted you, but ultimately didn’t deserve you! We both said we felt like the other was our person…Sometimes that isn’t enough, especially after the heartache I’d caused you. I truly want to thank you for showing me what love looks like…It is the first time in my life I truly felt like someone loved me for me…and not what they could get from me. You are not one in a million…you are one in a lifetime and I truly hope you find happiness with someone more deserving than me. You are an amazingly caring person, both in your profession as well as your personal life. The person you end up with, will be the luckiest human on the planet!