We weren’t even together, but for 4 months our timelines merged and I felt the radiance of your presence. I never knew what I wanted until you were leaving, it drove me mad. You drove me mad. The way you would reply to my messages with “.” just to steer my attention towards something. How you would call me stupid names, and even a bitch. That one hurt more than the others did.
We stopped talking for one day and you just threw it all away, I was appalled. I had just started feeling the swirls of wind around me that we call adoration, but I guess you had it for someone else. You told me that you had been together for 3 years before you broke up, you told me how horrible it was for you, how chaotic and messy it was.
I told you that you need someone who brings you peace, hoping you would know I was hinting at myself. I thought I could’ve given you that. I’m not saying I didn’t make mistakes, I said hurtful things but nothing like your actions. They screamed while my words whispered.
I don’t know if you still think about me, but I still think about you. It’s hurting me so badly. It feels like you’ll be the only one to intellectually challenge me but also be so soft. You being so broken made me feel special, I was the only one you were sweet to. But I don’t think that was true, you began acting differently towards the end. Did you think I wouldn’t notice your change in vocabulary? You adopted her words into yours, that hurt me more than when you were blatantly a bad person.
I chose you and I chose so fucking wrong. But I don’t regret it. It made me realize that I deserve more, and I can’t go back to that. And for those horrible twisted reasons I hope you live a wonderful life. I hope you find the peace that me or her couldn’t give you. I hope your mind heals and I hope that whoever holds your hand next will be grateful for how amazing you are. And also, fuck you.