Dear Stefan,

Upon further reflection, here is my experience of you:

You have no integrity. You are simple minded and have no room for complexity. You are unwilling to do any interior reckoning and courage work –you have the most emotional baggage I’ve ever seen and you burden those you supposedly love.

You are entirely unaware of what people truly believe of you. You fail to see that everyone in your life bends towards you. You are ignorant of your privilege. 

You’re a shitty friend, partner, son, brother, neighbor, and community member. You gave me an STI not once but twice. You’re a cheat who moonlights in moralistic desires. You have no capacity for your family or friends beyond that which serves you. You chronically seek validation for your insecurities. You dismiss the perspective of even those whom you trust because you believe yourself to be the moral authority and process expert

You lack all generosity. You rarely (if ever) willingly give of yourself; everything you do has a sense of anticipated or expected reciprocity. You never volunteer your time, you hardly share your resources, and the only thing you give freely is your critical opinion. No wonder no one wants to listen to you. 

Even watching your childhood videos, you’re a completely self-absorbed brat.

I loved you and I did so with radical trust and hopefulness which I feel has been morbidly exploited. I’m proud of myself for who I was and for falling in love again. I gave you everything and more; and while I wanted it to work for the longest time, I am grateful that it didn’t because I finally came to realize what you already knew –you were never good enough for me. 

Sincerely,

The one who loved you for you.