A,

Seeing you after 6 months about punched me in the stomach. We were not able to speak to each other, which was for the better. I know you called me Christmas Eve as a no caller ID. I heard your mom in the background. Then you send me a blank email in February. Why? What was the point? To make me think about you? I thought about you every single fucking day for 4 of those months. Then one day I woke up and you weren’t on my mind anymore. I was happy.

I met a wonderful man. He treats me the way I wish you could have. I love him. I love him without fear. Im not afraid to tell him if something is bothering me. Why? Because he talks about it and doesn’t get defensive. When he says he’s sorry, he means it because he actually puts in effort. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from you. To say sorry and mean it. You would say I never meant my apologies. That they weren’t genuine. But A, they were. They were because I put in effort into fixing the parts of me that were hurting you.

How many times can someone be called the the C word before they start standing up for themselves? All I ever wanted from you was love and respect. You said you did, but lying about where you were and what you were doing isn’t loving or respecting me. You’d then accuse me of all the sneaky things you were doing to me.

I don’t want you back. Not even as a friend. Your unhealed childhood trauma (people had it much worse than you and don’t torment their loved ones) causes the people that love you, so much pain. I forgave everything, took care of you in the hospital and was still treated like a piece of garbage. You never loved me. You don’t know what that word even means.  Even though this letter is addressed to you, it’s for me. I’ll never get the closure I need from you so I’m giving it to myself. Goodbye Adam. I’m glad I met you, only because it led me to where I am now. To meeting Justin. I’m going to marry that man. 

S