I’m writing this letter to you, heartbroken, sad and to be very fair a bit pathetic. I know won’t make a difference to the current situation, but I felt the way things ended between us was abrupt and I didn’t get to fully say all I that I wanted to.
I don’t really know what to call our ‘relationship’ because I know it wasn’t really one, but for me the feelings I had/have are very real. Seeing you at work and not being able to talk hurts me every day. Pretending that nothing happened at all feels wrong. Even seeing and hearing you talk about your life with S feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach every single time. I also just miss being your friend and having you to talk to about life. If you had said to me that you wanted to give it an actual go with me, I seriously would have, and I just want you to know that.
I’m going to miss you and I’m so incredibly sad that I won’t know you anymore. The closer it gets to the time I will be leaving the worse it gets but I know I need to go because it’s the only way to get my feelings for you to fade. They must fade because you don’t want me and I have to move on, and I have to accept that as much as it hurts. You may not want to know this but I love you. I fell in love with you from a distance before we even slept together, and I fell harder when I got to know you even more. I really wish that I didn’t, everything would be different.
One of the main things I want to say is that I really care for you, I care about how you are and if you are struggling. But it looked to me that after it ended that you were just fine, and you moved on with S while I was left completely broken. I felt like you didn’t care about me and that’s probably what broke me the most. I was and am angry with you for making me feel wanted when it wasn’t true.
Time will pass, feelings will fade. I will move on and get old, and I hope painful memories turn into fond ones. One thing I do know for certain, is that no matter where I am or how long it’s been, I will always have a piece of me that loves you. You are an amazing person. You are smart, funny, kind, handsome so never let anyone tell you anything different.
To follow our theme, here’s some songs I have listened to over the last couple of months that capture how I’ve been feeling:
Locksmith – Sadie Jean
Lost the breakup – Maisie Peters
Drunk text me – Lexi Jade
We never even dated – Maggie Lindemann
Goodbye J, I wish you only the best from life.