What did i do to deserve this treatment? i give myself you to physically and mentally no questions asked. I lose sleep over the fact that i haven’t received a text all day and when i do, my world is brighter. I start my days with a smile on my face when i see your name pop up on my phone even though i know that’ll be the only text i receive. I stay up watching videos and reading old messages just waiting for 11:11 so i can wish for those times to come back.

I pour my energy and effort into making sure you’re okay even when i’ve had the worst day at work. But the hours and days of waiting has made me so tired. I’m afraid to tell you how i feel because i know you won’t respond until i apologize. I’m afraid to go out sometimes because i know you’ll assume i’m seeing someone and threaten to find someone better. I’m afraid to leave you because deep down inside i feel there will come a point where you won’t come back for me.

The worst part about this whole situation is… I know i’ll waste my life chasing after something that i know is not there… but i’m okay with it. Im okay with waiting for your text even if it won’t come in 2 days. I’m okay with knowing you stay over and sleep with me at night and the next morning you’re going on a trip with your daughters mom and family. I’m okay with knowing what kind of girl i am but allowing you to treat me however you see me. I’m okay with that because part of me feels like maybe we’re writing a messed up love story that may workout for me in the end… But then the other part of me feels that if i don’t leave, i’ll waste my life falling in love with a vacuum of a man the takes but never gives.

The scariest part about all of this… i don’t know what part to choose…