So many feelings and thoughts that I’ve wanted to say and I was never able to express to you… I was fine and healed but I guess that was false because every time I hear about you I just go right back to the place I was so desperately trying to get out of. A feeling that I was trying to shake simply because I loved to hard.

I wish I was able to talk to you in person and just spill out every thought in my head that I had about you and what we had. I know that in a sense even if I try to manipulate myself into thinking something different you don’t feel as deep as I do or did at the time. Your actions and behavior towards me and our relationship showed more than words could ever express.

I like to think in a way you did a good thing by breaking up with me and you did it to help both of us but, no matter how bumpy our relationship was at the time I never wanted to not be able to love you anymore. I wish that things would have turned out differently and we would have been able to grow together. All I ever wanted for us was to grow old together and succeed in life.

Sometimes when I think about that fact me and you had two different ways and versions to love I get a sense in the back of my mind that it wasn’t gonna last anyway, I started to see you had a different vision for your life than what I thought. No matter how much you probably hated me nagging and always telling you what to do I only did it because I wanted you to succeed. I wasn’t trying to change you as a person and now I know that I never could, I just wanted you to be set on a different path then the path I saw you going down.

Opposites attract in a way but I guess the universe showed me that I was never really meant to help you. I’m not really sure what the universe had in store for us, but I loved it while it lasted. I know that in a way I was really overbearing a lot at times, but I only ever did the stuff that I did because I loved you so much. I’m taking loving from a distance to heart and I’m changing the way that I love you. Instead of loving you in a way that I would want to have a life with you and children and all that sort of stuff im loving you in a way of wanting you to do something great in your life and being happy that you’re doing something good for yourself.

It hit me hard when I realized that our relationship was changing because you were truly my first love. I tried to distract myself with talking to other people but they never amount you and to the love I had for you. There may never be a “getting back together” even when you do get free and that’s something that I had to learn to live with. In a way you’re helping me out by showing me your true colors and to be Frank if we were to get back together I don’t know if it would ever be the same considering we might have been with other people.

I used to hope and dream of a time we were together again and happy in each other’s company. I loved all the good memories we made and even the bad ones it’s just what made us such a compelling couple. I feel I was drawn to you because you were so different from me though maybe it was because the way I felt genuine love from you when we were together. When you weren’t acting childish I could really tell you were trying sometimes, even if you weren’t you gave me the illusion that you cared.

I hope that your safe and okay wherever you are… I hate saying it but I can’t help but care it’ll take me a while to not care anymore and I hate that fact because I have never gone through this before in any of my past relationships. You were just different, I have so much love for you that even when you were treating me bad, I still wanted to make sure that you’re alright and I was still wondering about your whereabouts and what you were doing.

In the back of my mind, I know that you’re somewhere right now and you’re not thinking about me at all and that’s why I feel really foolish for the way I’m feeling but then again, I knew from the jump when we broke up that you were going to stop caring but to be honest that’s not gonna stop me from wanting to know that you’re doing good in life or wanting to know that you’re ok. I feel like if you weren’t locked up right now, you regardless, wouldn’t be having me as a thought in your mind and honestly it wouldn’t shock me if it was true. Right now I know that your life is going a little rocky because of where you are at the moment and sometimes I feel like it’s kind of my fault because I didn’t try enough to lead you on the right path but I know that I really couldn’t change you and you were going to do what you wanted to do.

I hope that you get to have time to think while you’re not doing anything and you make a plan for yourself when you get out. I will always and forever care about you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and maybe in our next life we’ll be together again I don’t really know if we’ll be able to find our way back to each other in this life, but I know the universe will make sure that we’re together in the next one.