I held out so much hope for you. I kept giving you chances that you didn’t deserve. I was always fair to you and reasonable but for some reason you couldn’t treat me with that same respect.

When I went to grab my stuff from your house the other day it felt like nothing had happened for a moment. I texted you like I always did when I parked outside. I could see you turn off the light in your room and come to the door to let me in. Everything smelled the same. You looked the same. I was convinced I was about to walk to your room with you, tackle you onto the bed and cuddle while you scratched my head. Maybe we would have taken a shower together on a normal night. Or I’d make popcorn and we would watch a movie. For a moment I forgot about everything you ever did wrong. 

I was crying before I even came in the door and I knew you could tell. I wish you could have asked what was wrong. I wish I could have laid in your arms on your bed and have fallen asleep so peacefully with you. I couldn’t stop sobbing because I knew it was really over this time. Even though I ended things, the love I have for you didn’t just disappear. But I couldn’t tell you that. I didn’t want to stop hugging you. I wanted to ask if you could scratch my head one last time. I didn’t.

Everything hurts. It has for a month. But I can’t say this to your face or in a text or in a letter to you. I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you that you need to grow up. You do. You need to handle your emotions like an adult. You can’t take them out on someone like me again. You shouldn’t do that to anyone ever, period. I gave you such clear expectations and you ignored them. Apparently, you have no idea what an “ultimatum” is. You had a whole month to get your shit together and you couldn’t even do that for me. I thought you loved me. It didn’t feel like it at the end.

I closed the page and it deleted some of the things I wrote. It’s probably for the better. I miss you and I love you. But fuck you. Pet the dog for me, please and thanks. She’s a lab mix, by the way. Silver labs aren’t real.